Descend to Rise

It’s a good practice to get out of your comfort zone and see that the world doesn’t work how you think it does. Even if you never get out of your comfort zone, change will come in some form or another- in the sign of stress, angst, etc. It’s in your biology to go with the change and with that comes the modesty about your weaknesses.

I say ‘weakness’ not as something bad, but as something that teaches you how far your limit has been set to protect you. There’s a childishly loving intention behind your weaknesses- to save yourself from a burden of any kind. Even when you’re being unproductive about a task you ‘should’ do, look deep within and see it’s to save yourself from doing something that causes stress of a sort. Instead of seeing our laziness as…well…laziness, if we switch to see it as “avoidance with an intention to protect me from stress”, it can help you to gain more control.

You use intention to save yourself from the pain of being spread thin until you disappear- instead of an activity that brings joy and abundance to you. Intentions aside, we do not like acknowledging our weaknesses as Acknowledgment of weakness IS the opposite of weakness- and weakness is a comfort.

In order to rise up, we need to go down and see what we attached ourselves to that we need to let go of, for a lighter flight to greatness.

What aren’t you typically aware of that is pulling you down? (And no, not that thing you’ve been aware of already! Go beyond or at least, add more nuance to that awareness)

(P.S I am no guru, I am a millennial who barely has her shit together, but she’s learning :))


Wisdom of Inner and Outer Worlds

I am afraid of trying new things though because I feel like I will lose my identity and lose the things I have. But to me, living means growing from new choices you make. Even though new choices and new perspectives feel like you’re jumping into a dark hole, often, you are glad that you did if you made that choice. Because you bring a light with yourself, and even if the light in you delays in coming out, it comes out nevertheless, and you see the new situation in a real perspective. Even though it can hurt to bring that light out because you don’t want to see the reality of the current circumstances, one point when it becomes inevitable that wherever you go- there you are- you’re more likely to adapt, and that’s what you need the light for. By light, I mean adjusting to the reality (there’s giving up on actions you can take and then there’s being stubborn about the inevitable/obvious)

Wisdom, which comes with the difficulty of adjusting, is needed for both the inner reality and the outer reality. Do you know enough of your weaknesses and how to be aware of it in times of uncertainty? I think wisdom is accepting the truth of the inner and outer reality. It can be hard to take a good look at yourself because that is also like jumping into the deep, dark hole of self-awareness, it can hurt your ego to know how much is broken inside and how stubborn the broken pieces work in you. But even though new inner and outer choices initially causes great resistance and pain, often, you are glad that you did it because you realize how much energy you put into resisting in moving towards the next step- that the comfort-zone wasn’t exactly comfortable. Expending energy on not doing anything about your inner self and your outer reality makes life simply something for ‘existing’ and not ‘living’.

We have needs to survive, get love AND ACHIEVE. Even if it’s unlike you to not do much about your goals, you’ll always feel the energy you’re unconsciously wasting to NOT accept the inevitable and WORK with what you have, towards what you want. Covering the powerful, hot ‘light’ inside you for so long will burn you. Moving with uncertainty is in your nature, and it’s painful either way if you resist it or work with it. You might as well choose the pain that brings more happiness than a hole in your chest. The pain of uncertainty is always guaranteed. Graceful acceptance of uncertainty requires that you have more exposure to uncertainty- which means you have to get out there.

‘Thinking into’ wisdom is foolish; wisdom comes from the integration of new things in and outside of yourself- not from the ease of ancient thoughts.

Okay so it’s been a while since I’ve ACTUALLY written at the blog 😀 I felt the inspiration to write again and I’ve been thinking about what ‘wisdom’ is for the last couple of days. This was more of a brain dump, I was trying to understand what wisdom itself is so I wrote all this out to process my thoughts.

Things that stuck with me in 2016-

  1. When you step out of your comfort zone, you realize it wasn’t so comfortable before (or at least, you temporarily feel that way until you forget about it again and go back to your usual ways)
  2. A new idea is an idea that is 10% newer than the previous idea (Brain Tracy)
  3. No smell in one’s own fart (It’s gross and life-wisdom-y at the same time, credit of the quote goes to that random lady from Brahmonbaria for saying this xD)

I’ve learnt how much I hate therapy sessions, as good and as insightful they may be, they just remind me of how stuck I am. But it’s also taught me that when a relationship goes haywire, it’s always good for a third-person (who is a pro-therapist) to step in and give new perspectives- I’ll keep this lesson for life now that my relationship with Mom improved so much.

Hmm…let’s see…..what else? Right. I’ve learnt that when the going gets tough, you MUST pick one side (that’s my little way of saying ‘the tough gets going’). It’s good to be open-minded (at least, as much as you are so far?) and think in the ‘I don’t get it, but I also get it’ mindset, but in some situations you HAVE to pick one side or else others will take advantage of you. If you’re only focused on understanding others, you’ll lose focus of those who takes advantage of you for your understanding. Don’t understand ‘too’ much, especially when it comes to someone abusing you. Too much of anything isn’t good.

Write book reviews on goodreads, the more you review, the more you understand what kind writing you go for- and that can be an invaluable experience because language has great power over the soul ❤

Oh and read more non-fiction, fiction may be fun but real stories stick with you. Here’s a some of my favorite non-fiction books I read this year-

Sam’s Story

The Diary of a Young Girl


Mayada, Daughter of Iraq


Claims made in ‘official’ websites without sources…..sourceless-ness.  Most YouTube commenters, Most Facebook commenter, Most news-commenters Most commenters without any sources to back up themselves. Dude no, I won’t listen to you.

Just annoyed from reading another political article. I have this weird mental-habit where I think that whatever I read is what everyone is reading……and that everyone is gullible enough to believe everything ‘official’ websites say! It’s rude to make huge, huge claims without setting the basis of said claims! RUDE!

Anyway, it’s been so long since I’ve written an update on my own life. At first I thought, “My LIFE!? Ha!” But then I just really wanted to talk to y’all. So much has happened. I feel like I recently made another mental-transition because I feel very confused again, and not anxiety-disorder-confused, because I can separate between normal-confusion and general-confusion (for now). I am getting abstract again, which means I am being real with you, LOL.


Okay, let me try to be less confusing. I feel like I am being accepting of a bigger part of life that I’ve rejected for so long. Not the part of life where I am like, “No! Why doesn’t life go my way all the time!” to “Oh, most things are going to go wrong” and wanting change. Back before, I would’ve been all, “Neh! New! If it ain’t my way, I ain’t trying anything”. And I realized that the more I am accepting of reality, the nicer I am to people as well. I am more compassionate to them because I am not stuck with limited narratives for why others do what they do. The more accepting I am, the more tolerating of others too.

Nowadays I am not too frightened with changing my thoughts. I used to think, “No, Mon! If you change to do x, y, and z, you will become so different! I want you to stay this way!” but now I am like, “Confusion is growth” (It’s my new motto now). I sound so calm right now, that’s probably because I am surprisingly less anxious today.  Maybe I’ll change again when my OCD blows up again. It does blow up but I can learn to manage it a lot now. And I think it is my OCD that taught me that mental-changes, even though it may not be what I expect, it usually leads me to something that’s more rewarding. I’ve realized that a lot of growth comes when I stop resisting to differences and just jump right it, whether it changes a part of myself that I like or not.

Oh abstraction. I hope you still somewhat got me.

Post inspired by Personality Hacker 🙂

School Years

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Revisionist History.”

If I could’ve played out some instance from the past differently, I think it would be to just to be stronger when dealing with the mean kids at school. If only I could go back with the mentality I have now……and not care.

If I could go back, the first thing I would get is all nostalgic and living that past life. At  that time my OCD was at a really high level. If only it wasn’t, I could’ve paid better attention at school.

I think I would’ve meditated more regularly because I know it’s benefits in dealing with OCD.

Oh wait I just remembered. If I go back, do I have to deal with the mental illness;s serious state all over again?

Umm…know what? I am happy here. Still OCD, but better. Nope, no need to change anything and get all OCD all over again, it hurts like hell (mentally?) :/

One of my wisdom teeth is growing and it pains (Yeay, the Baby-Mon is growing up!) but I am scared of the dentist (No, those teeth-poking monsters!)

Lots of dentists in my developing country are amateurs. Lots and lots of doctors have fake certificates, although not in good hospitals. One time while I was getting a laser, the doctor just did it restlessly hurting my gum and I ended up bleeding, but not too much 😦 That’s why we need to ask for doctors with more experience when we’re in such countries.