Muh big(ly boring) thoughts

I got exams. I do relaxation techniques everyday. I am holding up pretty well since I dropped one of my depressant without even telling doc. Yes, I had done it before. I know the effects of severe disturbances are unlikely for me but I’ll go back to the pills if I am getting too bugged by the insect in my mind.

I’ve dropped T.V altogether. I mean I have for a long time already. And I am NOT up for listening to bullshit cable-news. I’ve lost hope and only want news from people who first fack-checks news- like James Corbett who does rediculously intensive data analysis and gives proper sources (instead of going “Scientists agree” or “Experts say”, or simply “Sources say” trying to be indefinite). Only thing I disagree with on James Corbett, from as far as I’ve consumed his content, is on  the topic of global warming- he doesn’t believe in it. And I am not into Philip DeFranco because his type of news doesn’t go beyond  America (and how it willl affect other countries and vice versa)

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Descend to Rise

It’s a good practice to get out of your comfort zone and see that the world doesn’t work how you think it does. Even if you never get out of your comfort zone, change will come in some form or another- in the sign of stress, angst, etc. It’s in your biology to go with the change and with that comes the modesty about your weaknesses.

I say ‘weakness’ not as something bad, but as something that teaches you how far your limit has been set to protect you. There’s a childishly loving intention behind your weaknesses- to save yourself from a burden of any kind. Even when you’re being unproductive about a task you ‘should’ do, look deep within and see it’s to save yourself from doing something that causes stress of a sort. Instead of seeing our laziness as…well…laziness, if we switch to see it as “avoidance with an intention to protect me from stress”, it can help you to gain more control.

You use intention to save yourself from the pain of being spread thin until you disappear- instead of an activity that brings joy and abundance to you. Intentions aside, we do not like acknowledging our weaknesses as Acknowledgment of weakness IS the opposite of weakness- and weakness is a comfort.

In order to rise up, we need to go down and see what we attached ourselves to that we need to let go of, for a lighter flight to greatness.

What aren’t you typically aware of that is pulling you down? (And no, not that thing you’ve been aware of already! Go beyond or at least, add more nuance to that awareness)

(P.S I am no guru, I am a millennial who barely has her shit together, but she’s learning :))

I don’t write so often

 

I am using a random image to help me write. I feel weird writing because I feel talking is better for me (how weird of me to “say” that). I can’t figure out WHAT I want to write. I learnt the tip to not edit while you write, but it’s hard to bullshit so long without any edits. I almost talked about politics.

I am trying to get myself to write because “If you didn’t write it down, did it happen?” (Quote taken from video The Power of Writing). As I read back to my previous entries, I wonder how much has happened….that WOULDN’T have happened, if I didn’t write it to remember it (Makes sense?). There’s a lot of mindsets I shift through from time to time and I wonder how wonderful it would’ve been if I had written every day to record my changes.

Oh look, my post has nothing to do with the writing image-prompt. This should show you how my brain tries to deal with me. Moving on, I’ve been seeing more articles on the importance of writing more nowadays. I’ve read the advice of journaling both from a marine and a blog-post (a blog-post about growing mental resilience). They both told of the importance of knowing yourself, your problems, etc That confidence comes with clarity. Well…writing is tough (says me). I can’t help myself to not go off tangents. When writing, from time to time, I stop myself and say, “This thought shouldn’t be available!”.

It probably took half an hour to write these three paras. No wonder I don’t write much these days *trudges into Cave of Unclarity”.

Twitter | Goodreads.

This week’s update and tip (Audio)

In my last audio, I sounded very different from how I usually sound. It sounded weird, it sounded raw….it sounded weird. I forgot to upload earlier but it’s felt like only 3 days passed since my last audio. Maybe that’s an effect of reducing one of my pills (Joking!) On that note, I am meditating for making up for taking one less pill.

Recently I reduced my rice intake by 3 servings and that did not feel good because I couldn’t move around- I was lethargic, so I increased it by 2 servings again. I guess one health tip won’t work for everyone, some people need more carbs I guess.

This week’s tip: Not everyone of us has positive, sunshiney people around us. Unless you’re in Denmark you aren’t going to meet those kinds of people so much. (Starts making lip-smacking sounds, criticizes self for such sounds, tries hard to not smack lips).

And you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with. I’ve recently been listening to self-help audios and audios where the people are really positive and vibrant. My brain kind of reprogrammes itself to take in their personalities (from listening to them every single day). I downloaded Audacity that helps you to record audios from videos on your computer, I find it better than video converters online.

Last week’s tip was letting in more sunlight into your house to improve your mood. This week’s tip is listening to people with qualities you want to embody/ We lear n better from listening than from reading. Not just people with great quaqlities, also listen to advice/self-help podcasts/audios too.* Listening is better than reading to me because I take in information better that way than just from reading.

*For example, I’ve been listening to an audio of Overcoming Childhood for a couple days in a row and it helped me to be nicer to myself these past couple of days (instead of blaming myself for certain thought-patterns, eg low self-esteem thoughts and accepting it as something that automatically happens and something I can deal with slowly)

 

2-year-old Blog

 

Gabriel Corno

Credit: Gabriel Corno

 

2 years ago today I started a blog because Io thought domains were free (domains without the ‘dot WordPress’-thing after them) but I was disappointed with the sad, hard reality, but I still kept on thinking, “Hey, I’ll be a famous blogger and I am going to buy my own then”. But blogging (let along *trying* to write properly…..really trying to think about grammar structure) is hard. You always aren’t in the mood for it and lately I haven’t been in the mood for it at all. But I wouldn’t have continued blogging without the support I’ve been getting around her- I think, “No, these people, they mine blogger-friends <3” and I stayed. I don’t have much of a sense of humor anymore- I crack up a lot when I read my previous entries and wonder how silly and childish I was (I still am but to a lesser degree). Maybe I am developing the kind of sense of humor that I nor anyone finds funny. At least I knew I could make some people laugh and this gave me the confidence to be sillier in real life too.

The blog helped me to curate my thoughts and ideas- I thought I knew myself fair enough just by being an introvert until I started really writing.

Less Drugs, More Light (Audio)

I am kind of in a weird position. I mean, I am not….that…drugged because that’s what happens when you take drugs. Not unprescribed drugs…for now. I mean, I’m not saying I am taking illegal drugs, I am saying I reduced my (prescribed) drug by one dose. Initially it started to go haywire (in) my head but I think I can handle it. You don’t know how sucky it can be to be with these stupid drugs.*

So…

How are you? I’m talking to an empty phone in an empty room….wait, what is an empty phone? I’ve (also) been listening to a lot of podcasts and I am thinking of making a blogpost where I summarize my thoughts on some great podcast. It’s a little too early to pick favorite tracts but I’ll post some great podcasts in a little while after….soon? No, in a little while, could’ve just said that.

*(Back to elephant in the empty room) I am taking a risk with lessening my drugs. I did this once already before and it didn’t go well. I am taking the lessons I made at that time to reduce the effect of not making the mistake of not meditating enough and reading triggering (political or otherwise) things online. As a millennial with mental illness (Oh lookie, a stereotype….that fits me).

I am thinking of doing a weekly audio thing where I share a tip that helps me. It might help me to motivate me to post audio-vlogs and be more…..action-minded. No you can’t be action-minded, that’s a paradox. You know what I mean, I am just going to share one thing that helped me this week, yeah redundant.

This week I’ve been brightening up the room by pushing away the curtains (more) and letting more natural light in. It, pardon the pun, makes me feel more illuminated. I think that just having a bright atmosphere is so good for your health and we as humans need that. Just to lighten up my mood a little, I’ve been making my room as bright as possible with light. Not necessarily electric light when I could do with only one light and not waste- what I mean is natural light. What I mean is we should light things up….no, what I mean is, increase more light that comes into your room. That’s for this week, don’t blow stuff up or light things up. Just brighten up your room……with light (ha). Bye.