Knowing means refining the current data.
I am afraid of trying new things though because I feel like I will lose my identity and lose the things I have. But to me, living means growing from new choices you make. Even though new choices and new perspectives feel like you’re jumping into a dark hole, often, you are glad that you did if you made that choice. Because you bring a light with yourself, and even if the light in you delays in coming out, it comes out nevertheless, and you see the new situation in a real perspective. Even though it can hurt to bring that light out because you don’t want to see the reality of the current circumstances, one point when it becomes inevitable that wherever you go- there you are- you’re more likely to adapt, and that’s what you need the light for. By light, I mean adjusting to the reality (there’s giving up on actions you can take and then there’s being stubborn about the inevitable/obvious)
Wisdom, which comes with the difficulty of adjusting, is needed for both the inner reality and the outer reality. Do you know enough of your weaknesses and how to be aware of it in times of uncertainty? I think wisdom is accepting the truth of the inner and outer reality. It can be hard to take a good look at yourself because that is also like jumping into the deep, dark hole of self-awareness, it can hurt your ego to know how much is broken inside and how stubborn the broken pieces work in you. But even though new inner and outer choices initially causes great resistance and pain, often, you are glad that you did it because you realize how much energy you put into resisting in moving towards the next step- that the comfort-zone wasn’t exactly comfortable. Expending energy on not doing anything about your inner self and your outer reality makes life simply something for ‘existing’ and not ‘living’.
We have needs to survive, get love AND ACHIEVE. Even if it’s unlike you to not do much about your goals, you’ll always feel the energy you’re unconsciously wasting to NOT accept the inevitable and WORK with what you have, towards what you want. Covering the powerful, hot ‘light’ inside you for so long will burn you. Moving with uncertainty is in your nature, and it’s painful either way if you resist it or work with it. You might as well choose the pain that brings more happiness than a hole in your chest. The pain of uncertainty is always guaranteed. Graceful acceptance of uncertainty requires that you have more exposure to uncertainty- which means you have to get out there.
‘Thinking into’ wisdom is foolish; wisdom comes from the integration of new things in and outside of yourself- not from the ease of ancient thoughts.
Okay so it’s been a while since I’ve ACTUALLY written at the blog 😀 I felt the inspiration to write again and I’ve been thinking about what ‘wisdom’ is for the last couple of days. This was more of a brain dump, I was trying to understand what wisdom itself is so I wrote all this out to process my thoughts.
Going back to speaking quietly so my parents can’t hear me. I am back I guess……what do I mean “I guess”? I am talking. Oh my God, I am so cringey. So I just had my dinner and (low self-esteem hits) Oh my God, I am always so….ughh…. (I was just confused over how to express myself lol)
So the day BEFORE (not ‘after’, oh man, why do I do this? xD) yesterday I tried to post something and tried to make it a silly post. Then after reading some news on Twitter I just came back to my post and added my thoughts on the DAPL. I made a really stupid post which was half silly things and half serious things.
I am always losing my mind when I am doing these audio-things. You can’t see me but at times I try to look for shadows under my door to see if my parents are anywhere near. I don’t want them to see their stupid daughter making recordings for whatever….quietly. This is just me on audio. I mean, what the heck would I do if I were making a video? I’d just crack.
On studies, I think I only do well under pressure. When I am not under pressure I don’t want to study- I think that’s the case with most others.
And I wish I could stop breathing into the microphone- but I can’t because that’s…what I do.
[I had to stop it there because Mom was calling me. So that’s me…erm….bye].