Descend to Rise

It’s a good practice to get out of your comfort zone and see that the world doesn’t work how you think it does. Even if you never get out of your comfort zone, change will come in some form or another- in the sign of stress, angst, etc. It’s in your biology to go with the change and with that comes the modesty about your weaknesses.

I say ‘weakness’ not as something bad, but as something that teaches you how far your limit has been set to protect you. There’s a childishly loving intention behind your weaknesses- to save yourself from a burden of any kind. Even when you’re being unproductive about a task you ‘should’ do, look deep within and see it’s to save yourself from doing something that causes stress of a sort. Instead of seeing our laziness as…well…laziness, if we switch to see it as “avoidance with an intention to protect me from stress”, it can help you to gain more control.

You use intention to save yourself from the pain of being spread thin until you disappear- instead of an activity that brings joy and abundance to you. Intentions aside, we do not like acknowledging our weaknesses as Acknowledgment of weakness IS the opposite of weakness- and weakness is a comfort.

In order to rise up, we need to go down and see what we attached ourselves to that we need to let go of, for a lighter flight to greatness.

What aren’t you typically aware of that is pulling you down? (And no, not that thing you’ve been aware of already! Go beyond or at least, add more nuance to that awareness)

(P.S I am no guru, I am a millennial who barely has her shit together, but she’s learning :))


I don’t write so often


I am using a random image to help me write. I feel weird writing because I feel talking is better for me (how weird of me to “say” that). I can’t figure out WHAT I want to write. I learnt the tip to not edit while you write, but it’s hard to bullshit so long without any edits. I almost talked about politics.

I am trying to get myself to write because “If you didn’t write it down, did it happen?” (Quote taken from video The Power of Writing). As I read back to my previous entries, I wonder how much has happened….that WOULDN’T have happened, if I didn’t write it to remember it (Makes sense?). There’s a lot of mindsets I shift through from time to time and I wonder how wonderful it would’ve been if I had written every day to record my changes.

Oh look, my post has nothing to do with the writing image-prompt. This should show you how my brain tries to deal with me. Moving on, I’ve been seeing more articles on the importance of writing more nowadays. I’ve read the advice of journaling both from a marine and a blog-post (a blog-post about growing mental resilience). They both told of the importance of knowing yourself, your problems, etc That confidence comes with clarity. Well…writing is tough (says me). I can’t help myself to not go off tangents. When writing, from time to time, I stop myself and say, “This thought shouldn’t be available!”.

It probably took half an hour to write these three paras. No wonder I don’t write much these days *trudges into Cave of Unclarity”.

Twitter | Goodreads.

Wisdom of Inner and Outer Worlds

I am afraid of trying new things though because I feel like I will lose my identity and lose the things I have. But to me, living means growing from new choices you make. Even though new choices and new perspectives feel like you’re jumping into a dark hole, often, you are glad that you did if you made that choice. Because you bring a light with yourself, and even if the light in you delays in coming out, it comes out nevertheless, and you see the new situation in a real perspective. Even though it can hurt to bring that light out because you don’t want to see the reality of the current circumstances, one point when it becomes inevitable that wherever you go- there you are- you’re more likely to adapt, and that’s what you need the light for. By light, I mean adjusting to the reality (there’s giving up on actions you can take and then there’s being stubborn about the inevitable/obvious)

Wisdom, which comes with the difficulty of adjusting, is needed for both the inner reality and the outer reality. Do you know enough of your weaknesses and how to be aware of it in times of uncertainty? I think wisdom is accepting the truth of the inner and outer reality. It can be hard to take a good look at yourself because that is also like jumping into the deep, dark hole of self-awareness, it can hurt your ego to know how much is broken inside and how stubborn the broken pieces work in you. But even though new inner and outer choices initially causes great resistance and pain, often, you are glad that you did it because you realize how much energy you put into resisting in moving towards the next step- that the comfort-zone wasn’t exactly comfortable. Expending energy on not doing anything about your inner self and your outer reality makes life simply something for ‘existing’ and not ‘living’.

We have needs to survive, get love AND ACHIEVE. Even if it’s unlike you to not do much about your goals, you’ll always feel the energy you’re unconsciously wasting to NOT accept the inevitable and WORK with what you have, towards what you want. Covering the powerful, hot ‘light’ inside you for so long will burn you. Moving with uncertainty is in your nature, and it’s painful either way if you resist it or work with it. You might as well choose the pain that brings more happiness than a hole in your chest. The pain of uncertainty is always guaranteed. Graceful acceptance of uncertainty requires that you have more exposure to uncertainty- which means you have to get out there.

‘Thinking into’ wisdom is foolish; wisdom comes from the integration of new things in and outside of yourself- not from the ease of ancient thoughts.

Okay so it’s been a while since I’ve ACTUALLY written at the blog 😀 I felt the inspiration to write again and I’ve been thinking about what ‘wisdom’ is for the last couple of days. This was more of a brain dump, I was trying to understand what wisdom itself is so I wrote all this out to process my thoughts.

Things that stuck with me in 2016-

  1. When you step out of your comfort zone, you realize it wasn’t so comfortable before (or at least, you temporarily feel that way until you forget about it again and go back to your usual ways)
  2. A new idea is an idea that is 10% newer than the previous idea (Brain Tracy)
  3. No smell in one’s own fart (It’s gross and life-wisdom-y at the same time, credit of the quote goes to that random lady from Brahmonbaria for saying this xD)

I’ve learnt how much I hate therapy sessions, as good and as insightful they may be, they just remind me of how stuck I am. But it’s also taught me that when a relationship goes haywire, it’s always good for a third-person (who is a pro-therapist) to step in and give new perspectives- I’ll keep this lesson for life now that my relationship with Mom improved so much.

Hmm…let’s see…..what else? Right. I’ve learnt that when the going gets tough, you MUST pick one side (that’s my little way of saying ‘the tough gets going’). It’s good to be open-minded (at least, as much as you are so far?) and think in the ‘I don’t get it, but I also get it’ mindset, but in some situations you HAVE to pick one side or else others will take advantage of you. If you’re only focused on understanding others, you’ll lose focus of those who takes advantage of you for your understanding. Don’t understand ‘too’ much, especially when it comes to someone abusing you. Too much of anything isn’t good.

Write book reviews on goodreads, the more you review, the more you understand what kind writing you go for- and that can be an invaluable experience because language has great power over the soul ❤

Oh and read more non-fiction, fiction may be fun but real stories stick with you. Here’s a some of my favorite non-fiction books I read this year-

Sam’s Story

The Diary of a Young Girl


Mayada, Daughter of Iraq

Feeling a List Up my Throat

Hillary and Trump- they aren’t much different. Why? I’ll base this around by first telling something about Hillary and then how Trump is similar is some of these points. Trump who I believe, isn’t much different.

  • Her vulnerably private emails-accounts? Trump asked Daddy Russia to hack them- they’re both careless sociopaths. What Clinton did, even though wasn’t right, wasn’t illegal by law-enforcement agencies, rather, it was careless. What Trump did, encouraging other countries to threaten US-national security…well. She said this huge big carelessness wouldn’t happen again, but hinting at others that these servers are private-enough-to-get-hacked should be given attention.
  • Iraq war. One was in the position to be able to encourage it, which was a horrible thing she did. The other praises world-leaders who tortured people. Flip-flops on, “Yeah, the Iraqi war was horrible…..on our economy” and then later to “wish it were done properly” on the war.The only reason Trump doesn’t get associated with the Iraqi was like Clinton is because…..he wasn’t in politics to be able to do those things! We are to judge him by his thoughts on these issues now. His thoughts are that the war was ineffectively expensive
  • One bombed Muslims. The other wanted to ban them. (Read the above point if you haven’t). The thing is, he isn’t professional about it (professionally, un-Hitler-like-d;y banning people basing their morals on religion, that is) and the way he spreads his message gives voice to xenophobes (like the friend that wanted me banned). Those politicians are corrupt murderers (one being a wanna-be-Saddam-Hussein murderer), but if they’re going to be giving voice to xenophobic citizens and giving a rise to these people- I would pretty believe there’s more problem here added to the old murder-people-tactics. They’re both horrible. But if they’re not going to be able to keep their horribleness under wraps, it becomes a problem. This is the main reason I as a Muslim prefer Clinton more. She isn’t spreading around messages as she is pretending to not be horrid. Not being a horrid messenger means less people backing up on your horrid statements. Whose ears your words are falling on, is important

  • Clinton money- People are acting like US-officials have no Muslim allies who might want Hillary (If you didn’t know of Muslim allies in countries that work with US- yes, and many of them). Similar to celebs endorsing their favorite candidates, if it’s another person in politics signing a check, you add ‘money’ to last name to the person taking it. Trump on the other hand, stole campaign donations his supporters gave to buy $55,000 worth of his own books to artificially boost his sales. I know this is different from taking money from other people on politics. But this is stealing money from your supporters (well…and lots of other unpaid workers) to your own self-interests.

No hate, please.



Thoughts on Burqini

I am a Hijabi. And if I were to go to a country where there was a ban on covering yourself at the beach- then I would comply with the law. If I can’t handle that, then I’d  leave the country. I probably came to that country to begin with because this country gave me more opportunities than the one I came from.

Recently there’s been a lot of attention around a woman who had to take off her burqini after being forced by the French police. My thought was that it wasn’t anything unexpected to happen when she went against the law.

Some people are saying it like the police forced her to strip. And I don’t get it. Did she get nude? Or did she take off as much as she was expected to in this country? And are we told whether she was told to either take off her suit or leave, and she decided to take off her suit instead? I don’t really like not getting enough information from the media.

If I were to go against the cultural-system, I would expect to have officials displeased with me. I mean, yes I am a Hijabi Muslim. Do I agree with what France is doing? No.Do I think the Burqini-ban is illogical? Heck yeah. Do I believe I should follow the customs when I enter another country? Yes, as long as said culture doesn’t inflict on my freedom to have security from torture, theft, etc

I have this belief that we often come from a place where we just want peace and love. A lot of people who are commenting on this topic are saying that women were forced to wear clothing like this. So I believe that some of them are coming from a place of love. Which shows they aren’t around many Muslim women who wants to wear a certain way FROM personal, religious reasons. When it’s Nuns, it’s devotion. When it’s Hijabis, it’s oppression. But that’s the way people were conditioned, and I DO have friends who were forced to wear hijabs by their parents. Doesn’t mean all hijabis, like myself, were forced to wear it.

If I don’t like the rules of a certain country, I might as well try leaving. BUT I also believe in peaceful protests**. So far I haven’t heard of any kind of public-protests from Muslim women in France. If they want this change, they have to peacefully protest (although, wearing a burqini and minding your own business can count as a peaceful protest- but you have to get the message across in groups). If not, leave. I KNOW I seem very anti-liberal here.

It hurts me to write FOR such ridiculous laws, but really, we can’t have people hate Muslims any more than a lot already do. It is horrendous to make someone take off a wet-suit like clothing just because…..well, just because. I know that. But that’s the law they made and that’s how we should be taking it- if not- protest in groups. If not that either, leave the country.

People already have many different thoughts on Muslims, and I feel like writing messages about how anti-Muslim it is (which it is, not saying it isn’t) instead of doing something about it is just going to cause more hate. I think the best option, if anyone can’t deal with such a law, is to leave. Leave countries where you can’t cover yourself wearing a certain clothing *bangs head on table*

All the things I said were my thoughts for people who TRAVELED to France from their hometown for better opportunities. You ARE here because you feel like you have more opportunities here. If not, then make a group to protest or leave.

My thoughts for those who already live in France is to simply speak out in protests. I know I sound silly. I am talking about public protests instead of protesting online, what’s the difference? I feel like public protests gets across much better, while WRITING ONLINE about it just allows people to hide behind a keyboard and just spew hate. My head’s going to hurt if I keep contradicting myself, lol.

**And now I feel OCD (I am not joking, I do have OCD) because if any protest does occur and women get taken away in jails (or worse), I will feel like I caused this whole thing. Because I am so important and so famous to make spark a movement.Now that I am worrying, DON’T PROTEST if it’s only going to cause you trouble. Wow. Basically, this post was for nothing.

Well…..except for to say that I really don’t want more hate towards Muslims. THAT is the biggest reason why I wrote this post. I hate seeing this hate towards Muslims, which is why I am saying, I think we should just leave if a country can’t accept that. I wish this post had a solid point, but I feel being pulled into two directions in my opinion- because I don’t want there to be more hate than there already is.


Once upon a time, almost a year ago. ROB nominated me to do a free-writing challenge. It’s a challenge where I dump thoughts on this post and leave the words as they are, WITHOUT EDITING. This post is the reason why I have to edit, just how random my train of thought is and how many mistakes I make.And I DO like talking! (You’ll know why I randomly said that when you finish reading the post) Just when it’s with people I am close to or when the subject of conversations is around topics I am passionate about, I just can’t bring myself to talk just about anything.  I can’t make any sense if I don’t edit my horrifying grammar. I feel so weak and vulnerable. Here I go-

I made a mistake on the first try, so this is my second attempt. Not on the first try. Well, actually on the first try. More like in the first likne. I mean ‘line’. Boomchicaboom. Boom-Chicka-Maro. Maro-chica-maro-re.

The song basically says to kill rats. ‘Chica” means “rats” in my country, not girls/ DSSo….I mean so the song isn’t telling you to kill your girl-friends, lol. It says, “In the morning, in the afternoon, kill them rats. kill them rats”. I don’t know how who I mean, actually cqame…I mean came up with this song. They were probably infested with rats. It’s a real song. Here’s the link to the original song: LINK. It should be added to the wierd side of youtube. “maro chica maro re…maro chica maro ree….”

The main reason I  am writing this post bis….is because I feel like I am losing my self. Myself. Well, I don’t mean starting a post on a topic like that ranodomly, but I mean that I’ev been writing less and less……..personally since my IAL’s tests. It’s gonnna be a whole year of torture. Educational torture. “Maro education, maro re” ugh, no point to singing, education is always lurking around me, jumping at me from time to time. Lurking it’s ugly educational head. No that doesn’t make sense. I mean…ji….hiding it’s ugly educational head. Hiding, no wait, what’s the difference between this and ‘lurking’? Not much.Maro Mon maro ree…..amar mon-reeee maroo ree…..I am becoming quite……

Noooo. HMosquitoes are biting me. At least I am not those lost refugee-kids, like those kids who lost their parents there in Aleppo have serious mosquito bites and it’s worrying, they say that all night is spent on scratihing their bodies. BPoor things don’t have mosqueto nets, but how would you fix a mosquito net outside? there’s been so many terrible news of late. I’ll be reading less news from now on, just so I can focus more on studying. Whether I read the news or not, my reading isn’t doing any change.

Yesterday I straight out said to a girl that I didn’t like talking. NO! I wasn’t trying to be mean! I LITERALLY thought she would get it because she is very quiet too, and I thought we would silently relate on being introverts. But she was surprised and just went, “Waaaaa,, don’t you like talking?” Anti-social freak I am, I nerviously replied, “No”.