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Accidental “madman”

On Sunday afternoon I was gardening in my front garden. I’m not a natural horticulturalist, so like a lot of times, “gardening” involve…..

Shady Shizzle from the Mouths of Narcissists (and Other Cheaters and Users)

  • I’ve never really been good boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse material (I won’t be faithful or check in with you regularly)
  • I don’t think I can be the person you want me to be (ergo, don’t complain about my behaviors if you choose to stay involved with me)
  • I haven’t made a clean break from my Ex (i.e., we’re still having sex)

Children are Amusing

God is #1, you are #2.

You will achieve all your dreams and eat s’mores.

Photo: Lila

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Ermm..friend?

As usual, I was hung up on my computer and parents were worried I was becoming a robot. So I took a break from the computer later and walked around. Then Mom squealed for me, “Mon! Your friend called!” Of course, I have two “friends”. One is Torsa with with a million friends, whose friends wouldn’t do anything close to the things I would do for her, like going out of my way to a center to give her two expensive books for her studies. She didn’t even go there to take it from me. She said she had to go to a party. So…she told me to give her a book at the center, I went to the center with her free book and she bailed on me for a party. That’s Torsa for you.

Continue reading

Audio Rant.

Parents are in the next room watching Cricket and I am here lying. I am not a big fan of scripts and right now I just want to *yawn* say whatever I want, which won’t be much.

I can’t believe some people think feminism is this evil thing. They are entitled to their opinion. But why? Who told you that? (Background: All of a sudden a motor bike started making noise and that annoyed me)Sh*t. Just now I read this post about a guy who didn’t like the fact that women said they had a voice because he didn’t believe that id they didn’t experience the pain, they shouldn’t HAVE to speak up for it. What the f? I haven’t experienced poverty and I can’t speak up for it?

Some people are messed up. They think just because you aren’t experiencing pain other women go through, why are you complaining? Yeah. Like those women aren’t humans and just because I am a women who didn’t experience what they did, it makes it less important to speak up for it.

I am quite addicted  to the internet. All day I am on it. I pass the whole day on it and then all of a sudden I look at the clock and think, “What the f? How did so much time

They have VEINS! Credit: inhabitat.com

pass by?”

I think plants feel pain. When we tear a leaf or cut them. Because plants have veins, too.I will show a picture in this post.

I really don’t have a script, I really don’t know what to say (Mon’s note: I am lazy! Accept me for me! XD). I guess that’s the beauty of it.

Spontaneity. Or is it spontaneousness?

I don’t really speak much. I need alone time…alone. To recharge. Sometimes after talking a lot (I feel tired) especially after recording I am speaking a lot and when I am talking to people, I don’t even talk this much. I become so tired (from talking) and I think, “Oh my gosh! I have contacted the external…stuff; I talked!” And I wasn’t thinking and that makes me real tired. I don’t know how other people can go on and on about all this shit. Talking about what they ate, what they did….shit. I don’t mind it, I just don’t know. When someone talks I expect them to bear their soul. I don’t do that, but when someone does it I feel comfortable to do it too!

I recently;y learnt about narcissism-stuff. And I saw this video and I think the man is a narcissist (Mon’s note: I won’t mention that guy, what if he comes after me? :o). This stuff is crazy. I love Dr. Phill.

Have you heard of blogger-crush? A crush on a blogger you’ve never seen before? Yeah. I’ve had it. It’s crazy. This blogger is a GREAT writer and Wow.I won’t mention is name. OoooOOoo! (Why did I make this noise?)

I was just thinking about how big our ego is because we don’t support the teachers, the surgeons, the doctors in this country like we support the cricketers. I myself get excited when I watch cricket but then I try to remind myself that this is just a bunch of kids from our country who train themselves to play against others kids from another country That doesn’t mean the whole nation succeeded. Our nation is still a developing country. Unless those cricketers donate to charity, I don’t think much good comes of it.We don’t show much support to the ones who do actual good to the society. We just try to live vicariously through the cricketers and think we are actually doing something with our lives by watching a bunch of kids play.

I am tired. I can’t speak anymore. Introvert needs to rest!

Wrong Won’t Escape No More.

My feelings don’t matter thus

I can’t find what to ask for. I forgot

What my opinions even where.

.

Opinions.Judgment. Views.

Traumatizing me at this game

of hide-and-seek which I only

was good at finding when

I was little with that untouched view.

.

I had opinions once

I am gaining them back again.

All my life I was taught,

I was mental, my thoughts have run amok.

Until I did believe them and

had to turned to many….

antidepressants.

.

I have to heal today.

Within next week. Or in a decade.

Read articles on recovery.

Because all this blame

hasn’t gotten me that safe haven I crave.

I have to try. Like I did to before. But now,

the next step in growing, to

access my inner Mon.

.

“Mom, come back home!

My thoughts scare me”

I call. “Mom came back home!”

“Everything will be alright!” she sobbed. Well.

My thoughts were chafed by you,

if you let go of them, who will manage them, now?

When I have been left to alone?

.

Now, I am growing.

Lost in thoughts

not belonging to myself.

Difficulty in seeing the bad..

even when,

I see people murdering tiny, little souls.

.

I’ve hardly seen the bad in them,

but only the one in me.

When others would send pain onto me,

I would find excuses only since, “They wouldn’t do it…

if there wasn’t something wrong with me.

Yeah?

If there wasn’t something to hate about me!”

.

I thought I was understanding.

But realized I was people-pleasing.

Right now,

When I see someone do bad.

I need to slice and dice them.

Right here.

On the spot. .

On Setting Boundaries

Excerpts from great articles.

Setting Personal Boundaries for Your Mental Health

People and situations that lower your self esteem are bad for your mental well being…..

If people want to argue then let them. We do not have to argue back. We can just tell them that we have made our decision and it is based on what it best for us.

People Pleaser Syndrome – Setting Boundaries with Yourself to Avoid Manipulation

Here are some examples of appropriate boundaries for an adult….

..I will not stay in a relationship with someone who makes me feel afraid in any way

..I will not stay in a relationship with someone who does not listen to my thoughts, feelings or opinions

..I will evaluate  people by their actions,  not by what they say….

Try making a list and adding to it every few days or weeks….

Having your list of boundaries will help you to be alerted to the fact that someone is taking advantage of you or making you do things that you really do not want to do….

Learn How to Draw Boundaries with Manipulative People

You should have been allowed to draw boundaries that were reasonable and those boundaries should have been respected by your parents…..

In some  abusive households the child or teenager is not given the right to make choices and have opinions…you may even have trouble accessing your opinion at all…

People with toxic personalities will prey on those that have People Pleaser Syndrome.

They might say…

“You get upset about everything”

“We have to work together” (are they working together with you, or using you?)……

We really need your help. Everyone else is busy. (your time is less important that the other people who said no / they have more of a right to say “no” than you do)

For Adult Children of Parents with Narcissistic Personality Disorder / Mental Abuse and C-PTSD

They see the child as an extension of themselves and property that they have every right to abuse as they see fit.

Needing to Please Others for Affection and Approval – Codependence and People Pleaser Syndrome

This need for approval and love was not gratified as a child, and there is still a longing for approval from others.

People can approve of your actions because your actions meet their own agenda. This does not necessarily mean that they love you, or even like you…..

No one needs to have their way all the time, while they ignore your feelings…….

You will never get your love and approval needs met from people that only care about their own agenda….

In the mean time, there may be other people in your life that are feeling starved of your love and attention….

Eight Typical Traits of Abused Women – Yet they still feel Worthless

Only someone with extreme patience, tolerance, and a willingness to extend themselves to the toxic person, would be a victim of abuse.

Narcissists and other abuser do not try to choose targets that lack empathy, or a sense of fairness. They seek out the most kind, and compassionate people to target.

People Pleaser Tendency to Reason with the Unreasonable

That is why it will help you to take personal notes. Write down what you said and exactly what they said in response.

If you are on the phone, you can do this with a pen and paper during the conversation. If the interaction is in person, then take notes when you have privacy to write them….

You can find inconsistencies and gaslighting tactics this way.

Keeping Manipulative People from Using You – Seeing the Situation Rationally

Is their situation that they are asking for help with, really as desperate as they are telling you?…

Are they willing to compromise?

Do they care if or how much they inconvenience you?..

Are they using guilt tripping , rather that letting you communicate your feeling and thoughts?

.Are they open to suggestions from you, about other ways to solve their problem?

People Pleaser Syndrome

There are people that actively seek “people pleasers” in order that they can subject their will upon them….

People pleasers try to avoid confrontation that makes them feel guilt or shame. Abusive personalities will sense this about you and deliberately force you into anxiety, in order to manipulate you…

You may be around many good people in your situations, but it only takes one person to really injure you…

You have a right to your….self esteem.

Depression; The Darkness That Only We Can See

Depression is like an alternate reality. A dark reality that surrounds us that no one else can see……They point things out to us about our lives that we should be thankful for and tell us to snap out of it.

Social anxiety, OCD, generalized anxiety disorder and other mental illnesses are usually conditioned responses that were caused by our brains trying to protect themselves.