Facts and Imagination

I am reading Hard Times, the chapter opens with this dialogue:

“Now, what I want is Facts. Teach these boys and girls nothing but Facts. Facts alone are wanted in life. Plant nothing else, and root out everything else. You can only form the minds of reasoning animals upon Facts; nothing else will ever be of any service to them.”
Charles Dickens, Hard Times

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Wrong Won’t Escape No More.

My feelings don’t matter thus

I can’t find what to ask for. I forgot

What my opinions even where.

.

Opinions.Judgment. Views.

Traumatizing me at this game

of hide-and-seek which I only

was good at finding when

I was little with that untouched view.

.

I had opinions once

I am gaining them back again.

All my life I was taught,

I was mental, my thoughts have run amok.

Until I did believe them and

had to turned to many….

antidepressants.

.

I have to heal today.

Within next week. Or in a decade.

Read articles on recovery.

Because all this blame

hasn’t gotten me that safe haven I crave.

I have to try. Like I did to before. But now,

the next step in growing, to

access my inner Mon.

.

“Mom, come back home!

My thoughts scare me”

I call. “Mom came back home!”

“Everything will be alright!” she sobbed. Well.

My thoughts were chafed by you,

if you let go of them, who will manage them, now?

When I have been left to alone?

.

Now, I am growing.

Lost in thoughts

not belonging to myself.

Difficulty in seeing the bad..

even when,

I see people murdering tiny, little souls.

.

I’ve hardly seen the bad in them,

but only the one in me.

When others would send pain onto me,

I would find excuses only since, “They wouldn’t do it…

if there wasn’t something wrong with me.

Yeah?

If there wasn’t something to hate about me!”

.

I thought I was understanding.

But realized I was people-pleasing.

Right now,

When I see someone do bad.

I need to slice and dice them.

Right here.

On the spot. .