My feelings don’t matter thus
I can’t find what to ask for. I forgot
What my opinions even where.
Traumatizing me at this game
of hide-and-seek which I only
was good at finding when
I was little with that untouched view.
I had opinions once
I am gaining them back again.
All my life I was taught,
I was mental, my thoughts have run amok.
Until I did believe them and
had to turned to many….
I have to heal today.
Within next week. Or in a decade.
Read articles on recovery.
Because all this blame
hasn’t gotten me that safe haven I crave.
I have to try. Like I did to before. But now,
the next step in growing, to
access my inner Mon.
“Mom, come back home!
My thoughts scare me”
I call. “Mom came back home!”
“Everything will be alright!” she sobbed. Well.
My thoughts were chafed by you,
if you let go of them, who will manage them, now?
When I have been left to alone?
Now, I am growing.
Lost in thoughts
not belonging to myself.
Difficulty in seeing the bad..
I see people murdering tiny, little souls.
I’ve hardly seen the bad in them,
but only the one in me.
When others would send pain onto me,
I would find excuses only since, “They wouldn’t do it…
if there wasn’t something wrong with me.
If there wasn’t something to hate about me!”
I thought I was understanding.
But realized I was people-pleasing.
When I see someone do bad.
I need to slice and dice them.
On the spot. .