Unmoored From Life (Poem)

Your  supposedly ambitious vision

kept in the pocket of your heart

Your plans for changing your ways


All ill-considered.

Unmoored from life again, this time –

in a more final way.

Thought You’d pass by enjoying it

the easy way. Or so you say….said,

till your time came to a sorry end


Death of a blogger


From Painkills2. Her reflection from her photo.

Painkills2 from All Things Chronic died. I don’t know when and I don’t know how. We knew each other from reading and liking each others’ posts. I sometimes commented on her posts admiring her amazing photography skills and learning interesting things about pain-patients and about our planet.


Image by Painkills2

I can tell she loved talking about food, and her last post was about it. I know that when she met with a blogger-friend, she baked for her ha.


From Painkills2

I still feel have an awful feeling when I go through her posts. . She even honored vets  and celebrities by the title ‘Thinking of you‘.


From Painkills2.

I searched on google “painkills2 says:” and I see all these witty and opinionated comments from her on others’ blogs. Some bits of her personality I hadn’t known about before, probably because everytime I visited her blog happened to be when she was writing about serious issues and sharing photos.I wish I had known her better. I wish I read more from her, I knew she was a chronic-pain patient. But I just don’t know. I miss her.

Here are her only two comments on my blog, I think these both one after the other show for her serious and witty side (and yeah, there wasn’t any rule of showing five random words in the award haha)


She also shared one of my posts on her blog here- SAFETY. Below is what she wrote


It’s hard enough when a blogger deletes their blog and all traces of them. But leaving altogether? I will miss you. I find it sad that these are the only things I can say about you. I wish I had met you because I think you are a beautiful person.

DSC07836 (2)

By Painkill2. Wasn’t she an amazing photographer?

Stupid Hotline and Mom

(Trigger warning*****)

My Mother screamed, nagged and talked more about how much she is dissapointed with me. I studied today, I can’t concentrate on my studies for more than 20 minutes, so each time I took a break. Well, the first time I took a 10 minute break and the second times I took a 30 minute break. After eating I felt heavy and sleepy and feel asleep, for almost 3 hours. After waking up, I turned on the computer again.

I always used to tell her I would study later whenever she asked. I didn’t study much and made the mistake of being honest about it. And now I want to die. The thoughts of getting a knife into my stomach, the thoughts of bleeding to death, the thoughts of getting sent to the hospital and then dying there. I am scared of dying and the pain of death.But I studied today, it’s hard for me to study. I used to study for 3 hours in one sitting, taking breaks from time to time. She knows how weak my mental state is.

I found out this suicide hotline online for Bangladesh and too bad. I knew my country is crap. I couldn’t believe there was such a thing in my stupid country. At first I thought it was fake. So I called and got no reply, I would’ve been shocked if someone picked up anyway. We are an amazing country. And if I told Mom I had such thoughts, she would say exactly that, “As if, you would be a coward in the act”.

She knew I studied, a little. I told her I would study later. Which I really would. Today I was feeling a lot less stressed until Mom happened. The little mental energy I had for studying is gone from crying to her to stop nagging me. She wouldn’t stop. She got my Dad in the act because she didn’t believe me when I said I would study.

Comments closed. Sorry. “It’ll get better,” comments isn’t going to make my Mom mentally better not get a better suicide hotline for my country.

Update: I am not doing anything reckless. Don’t misunderstand.

Is it weird that….

..sometimes when I watch people dying on OR-tables and I see their husbands crying for them, I think, “Will I ever get a husband who would cry like that for me if that ever happened?” LOL. I know. This is quite…..morbid. But a girl can dream…..Wait, that sounds terrible that I should die to find romance like that. I will stop now. G’bye.

But I DO still think about it 😮

Deadly Aliveness

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “To Sleep, Perchance to Dream.”



It’s a passing away while you’re breathing,

At least, it seems to me:

Precipitous. I can’t feel,

When it befalls on me.

But it aids me in

finishing up the day. Essentially

The lack of this sweet death,

is draining already.