Talking about Women’s Day is kind of triggering. Recently my mom’s been making me grow my hair out because I need to ‘catch a husband’. Oh no. Honestly, I think I’d actually grow my hair out if I were in a relationship because I think I look better with long hair. But long hair is a stupid struggle. I mentioned previously that if I had to form my own definition of what beauty is in a world where there was no one but me….I’d have shaved my head to never have to deal with hair again.Thoughts of being ‘fat’ wouldn’t any issue. Really, beauty wouldn’t be any concern to me then, but rather what feels more comfortable to me (like a shaved head…..I say again). But the only part that gets to me sf that if my future husband doesn’t shave his legs or armpits for me, I sure as heck don’t want to extend the same courtesy to him.
This women’s day thing is like a yearly review of how much of the culture-conditioned misogyny I was able to remove from my system. So far, I don’t even let my mom talk about women wearing ‘so little’- I let her know it’s their choice, which is a concept she finds hard to grasp. I am also not using the scale at all (except once, it spoke and I was tempted) and rather use visual signs to track my weight-loss. I look less at myself in the mirror when I am in the shower because I am trying to make weight-loss more about…..eh, I don’t know. Honestly, if exercising only made me ‘healthier’ and not slimmer, I don’t think I’d exercise at all. I don’t know how I can even be ‘body-positive’ when in my head like you see all the confident curvy, women on youtube. Doesn’t help when your fat mother calls you ‘fat’ either…..and places importance on your beauty to ‘catch’ a husband. But I also want to grow my hair out again as an experiment and if I don’t like it, I will have it cut again.
I want to follow Emma Watson’s advice that when you’re doing something you’re interested in and going out and making a life for yourself, you’re going to find people who are of similar interests to you and have more common with you. You’ll find love by doing what you love.
I forgot to review my misogyny lol. I rate myself 6/10 feminist points. An example is I still have problems where I mentally judge other women based on their weight, make-up, dress, etc but I think that if I judge myself less, this problem will sort itself out. Gah, it feels so icky to show all these not-so-cool parts of yourself, but I’ve am glad my views on women (erm…as a woman) improved since the last time I posted about women’s day.