Authoritative parents take a different, more moderate approach that emphasizes setting high standards, being nurturing and responsive, and showing respect for children as independent, rational beings. …..But unlike permissive parents, authoritative parents don’t let their kids get away with bad behavior.-The 4 Parenting Styles: What Works and What Doesn’t
AuthoriTAIRANS are more ‘my way or the high way’ parents 😮 AuthoriTATIVES take a gentler approach.
There are the really gentle-yet-strict parents who were able to raise decent, caring children too. They have an authoritative relationship than an authoritarian one.
I don’t see any many authoritative parents. I either usually see parents who are either very authoritarian (read post above on difference between ‘authoritative’ and ‘authoritarian’) or too permissive (but I am young and haven’t explored the vast-EUGE-world, so….take my experience with a pint of salt, no pepper). Most parents of my class-mates were SO STRICT!
To give an example, this student in our class who, after taking a MID-TERM exam (mid-term, are you kidding me? I never took mid-term seriously!) , was later questioned by his father on a question(/s) and what was his answers were- he stood there saying the answers, line by line, as he stood with his back straight.
I remember long ago in one Reader’s Digest article where it mentioned that, instead of saying something like, “Look how well you did on the test!” you should say something like, “You must’ve worked so hard on this!” Stressing more on the importance of hard-work and on NOT sticking their self-worth on the number they get on education (they hardly ever have use for in real life).
How does knowing about photo-synthesis help me to deal with relationships and manage my anxiety disorder?
The knowledge school helped me with is learning about my religion, learning the alphabets, learning basic science and learning to read. Other than that, most other things got forgotten anyway. If I were to list all the things I still remember from school, it would be a teeny-weeny little list with things like the human circulation system (a few things about it, then again); how to count; knowledge of basic English and Bangla grammar; a couple things about geography; that cows are domestic animals that won’t eat us and that the sun rises in the east and sets in the opposite direction.
The other thing that was useful to me in school was the subject-Islam. For a long time, I studied in an Islamic school and I was really good at that subject 🙂 I liked learning the stories and the principles. That’s just one of the bright-sides of my school-years. I remember a vast majority of the things I learnt in this subject! But other than this….
School ruined my fun of reading. It’s when it’s not an obligation (and more of an interest) that you care to wonder what the books are really about. Nowadays…well, a vast number of bloggers I follow write poetry, literary works, world-news, etc I ACTUALLY have an interest for history, social science, geography, etc (except maths and accounting, those two I shall always hate).
Ha! Take that school! I got some of my literature-immunity back too after I was done you. Now I LOVE literature! The education system is so flawed.
Oh wait, here I go. I was supposed to talk about parents…uh..I think I said the important parts already.But honestly, I am glad my parents were not serious about school. They only cared if I passed, whether with C’s or whatnot. But surprisingly, I got a lot of Bs 😀 And I wouldn’t study at all except before the exams. Nowadays I HAVE to because the syllabus has gotten bigger and more complex, as they do when you go further along with education.
Oh man, there I go again.
What I mean is- Parents can make children think that getting good grades =love and appreciation. That love is a business-game. Love for your child should NOT be conditional. I know the parents don’t mean it like that (hopefully), I know that they themselves aren’t educated enough on a child’s need for love and healthy self-esteem.
But it does leave you with a type of ‘trauma’ because love is a basic need for everyone. If we don’t get out basic needs met, we can’t function well.
Just because our parents are older, it doesn’t mean they’re always right. But that doesn’t mean you don’t obey them either (although it depends on the kind of parents they are. If they beat you with belts for being a little late to come home, you need to get help!)
As I write, I still think of a girl I kno
w who gets high-scores in her tests. All the scores are near 100% and only one time did she get full marks. And all her father said to about that was,’ Hm. You got a 100% once’. No wonder she is so crazy about my cheating in exams!
Most bangali millenials and adults would say that a slap here and there is good to raise obedient children. A pull on the ears, a pull on your hair, some smacking is necessary for children. Hearing all that is a slap on the face (no puns intended). The best I can come up for their reason to accept these things is that they forgot how weak and worthless you feel when you get beaten. You’re small, you have no control. You CAN make mistakes. You don’t have the thinking-capacity of adults. And you just don’t know which children with grow up with mental-illness (like me) as a (possible) result of that. Maybe you forget. I am 20 and I still remember the situations like it was yesterday. The hate is still buried and alive in me, the hate for myself and those who would beat obedience into me.