I feel sad because I am not feeling sad for Uncle.I think it’s because of the distance between us, he is out of the country. I felt the same way when I saw Grandmother’s “casket” by the door. I knew she died, but until I saw her lying there on the bed not breathing, I started crying.

The doctor says it’s the kind of cancer that makes a person’s life-span shorter.

So Uncle isn’t living long. I don’t know what to do when Uncle comes back to the country. He is always so fond of us kids. He always liked me and thought I was this really sweet girl. Everyone thinks that because I am so quiet.

I might not post as much this month and the next, or I might. I don’t know. I’ve trashed all my scheduled posts but they are still there, in the trash section, all safe.

I don’t really know how to feel. At first when I heard the news, I was just shocked. Utterly shocked. Now I am not feeling anything for him. I think it’s only for a while until I see him that I will feel sad again. I shouldn’t question my feelings, or lack of them, so much.

I’ve been studying all morning, I have to take a nap, make some coffee and then go back to studying again. I haven’t been so quick at replying back to comments, but I will reply to a couple a day- I am not ignoring any of you.




33 thoughts on “

  1. 2ndhalfolife says:

    This is called shock dear….that’s what you are feeling. It’s perfectly normal. Just try to be good to yourself and take care. You are going through a lot and are already very sensitive to life around you. Be gentle with yourself. xo

  2. Dizzy Chick says:

    sweetie, your feelings aren’t right orbwrong, they just are.
    Everyone deals with tragedy differently.
    You are starting to grieve.
    No he isn’t gone yet but you know it and you are grieving his loss of health.
    The fact he will never be the same uncle you have always known.

    Don’t judge yourself though.
    Acknowledge your feelings, and move on, there is no right, or wrong.

    Don’t spend time worrying about it or feeling guilty for not feeling like you think you should.
    That will do no good.

    One day at a time.
    Take care of you.

    • Mon ☠ says:

      Thank you, you got this perfectly. He’s probably not going to be the same person we knew, but he’s going to try to hide that. Thank you for such supportive words

  3. miusho says:

    It’s probably because it doesn’t feel real.. And as long as he’s still fine (in your head) it won’t hit you. I had the same when my father passed away, you know it’s true but, as long as you haven’t fully realised what is going on you won’t really feel sad.. being shocked is a different thing.
    You know it true but.. It doesn’t feel that way. 😦

    Atleast that’s how it was for me. It might be different for you..

  4. 'Legato.' says:

    understood you’ve got things to do, can’t always be posting online. (i know…)

    Perhaps you’ve come to the conclusion that everyone must eventually go? I had a hard time getting over the loss of my aunt; I remember some years later that it finally hit me that I’d never see her again except as an exhumed corpse and I cried profusely that day.

    I’d like to think that she’s resting in peace now, watching bad sitcoms in the afterlife. 🙂 Wishing you and your loved ones well. 💓

  5. Robert says:


    I’m sorry to hear of your uncle.

    Regardless of what feelings are seemingly present or not, perhaps showing him caring is completely enough for you to do.

    All good wishes,


  6. survivednarc says:

    Sorry to hear that! I believe you are right, it is probably just a psychological defense mechanism within you… likely feelings will bubble up later. I am so very sorry and I hope you get to spend some time with him in the near future.

  7. The Anxiety Chronicles says:

    I’m so sorry about your uncle. Just allow the emotions to run through your naturally, even if it means not feeling much at all. We all feel and deal with sadness differently. It doesn’t make you a bad person if you’re not feeling much at the moment. You’re also very busy studying, so it seems your mind is preoccupied, which can also be a good thing. Sending you much love and hugs, xoxo.

Please write! :'(

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