Not eplaining myself

My eyes are dull. I did some introspecting last night and it made no sense. I’ve actually believed in horoscopes for a while. And I don’t trust horoscopes. But I needed something that could give me some assurance of things to come. And now I think it’s crap all over.

I always think it’s nothing. Nothing is happening. Until I write. Before I write, it’s like, whatever. But I feel like I have to make rationalizations for my feelings. This world humps effectiveness and rationalization, to the point the world itself is destroying it’s humanness. Can’t we just make decisions based on what “feels right”? Because I need to stop. “You have no reason to be depressed,” etc etc. No, even if I do have a reason to feel depressed, I can’t put that in words either.

Feeling just can’t be expressed by any means. Feelings aren’t things “out there” that you can touch and feel and measure. Some things just don’t feel right. I don’t have to owe myself an explanation. When I explain, I victimize myself. No. The drawback of feeling things intensely is the lack of trust you have in your own motives. “Oh, I must be a terrible person. Because I can’t explain why I feel bad about this very “good” thing and hence, I have bad motives”. No. I am sick of this. I feel like NOTHING happens in my life and yet I feel really strongly.

Maybe I will find someone who won’t treat me like some item that has x and y results with answers. Maybe someone will get that I get stupid over little things. Stupidly emotional. I don’t want to feel bad about having feelings. I’ve been holding it in for so long. I can’t explain how I even held it in, how it happened, why these thoughts are even here. But like I said, I am going to need to hold more space for myself and accept when I can’t put language around my rationale.

30 thoughts on “Not eplaining myself

  1. LosiLosLoco says:

    No need to explain yourself all the time. Feeling is a part of being human and there’s still parts of being human we humans can’t explain! Don’t feel bad. Just think: you’re not the bad guy. Everyone who can’t just accept you and your persona is the bad guy because they’re making you feel bad for being you. Don’t down yourself Pinecone. šŸ™‚ You are loved and needed and worthy and I don’t need an explanation for that. šŸ˜‰

    • Mon ā˜  says:

      I know right? MBTI is what I started with, now I am more of a Socionics girl šŸ™‚ I love how these things helped. It made me realize that there’s a value in being an Fi dom šŸ™‚ (INFP here). I love reading your blogs, I have a fondness for a lot of INTPs

      • 8sherry says:

        I’m still new to this, still learning. Will definitely venture on the Socionic next. Thanx for mentioning it. My Ti Fi gap is quite close and I even mistype myself as Infp b4. So I can sometimes relate with Infp/Enfp. Fi dom is awesome~ but I always struggle to find fulfillness inside me cos of my Ti. Reading your blog help me get the picture of it.I’m honoured that you like my blog. Keep writing your best, Mon! (^ā–½^)o

      • Mon ā˜  says:

        Oh man. I find intellectual people very charismatic, even though I don’t publicly say it haha, because I can’t often find much logic behind why I do or feel certain things and people think you’re just being stubborn if you can’t explain yourself!

        Thank you šŸ™‚ Here’s a video on INTP-socionics that I love-

        Here’s another

      • Mon ā˜  says:

        He speaks kind of slow, so I change the youtube video speed to 1.5 when I watch his videos, haha. But he is a wonderful guy. One of his videos that was particulary helpful for me was how the 6th function is strong, because I always wondered how I could think so much like an INFJ

      • 8sherry says:

        Thanks for the videos Mon. I’ve watched his other videos b4 but I didn’t know he talk about socionics too. Same here, I never thought there’s so much similarity between Intp and Intj. No wonder I find my bestie as ‘mirror like person’. Would you mind share your go to sites learning about socionics? Thanks again.

  2. wendy says:

    You feel something, just acknowledge that.
    It is your feelings, there are no right and wrong about it, it’s how you feel, and that’s ok.
    Sometimes I just need to acknowledge it then I can let it go, sometimes it lingers, but I’ve learned the hard way that I need to always be gentle with myself. Don’t judge my feelings.

    I too feel intensely. Heck i can cry at cartoons. I laugh when others don’t. I’ve been told I’m too emotional. I have thought in the past that it would be nice not to feel so much, but it’s who I am, it makes me a deep caring and compassionate person.

    There is nothing wrong with us.

    My sister would rather stay even tempered all the time. I’m way too emotional for her. But I think, if I didn’t allow myself to feel the bad how could I ever feel the good?

    Strong emotions are not bad.

    • Mon ā˜  says:

      Yes, Wendy. I had to learn that too. It’s hard in the moment when it’s happening. It’s quite acute and I feels hard. But yeah.

      I can relate to both crying at cartoons and laughing when others aren’t. I have to explain my random spams of laughter to the people around me. Thank you for the kind support, Wendy ā¤

  3. willytyme says:

    You should never apologize for your feelings lovely, because they are never wrong. Feelings are like love, no one really understands them. Your right, we should be able to just be, and go with stuff. People think feelings are expression, but expressions are merely actions. You will find someone who understands you, or at least are willing to equally change with their partner. ;o)

  4. survivednarc says:

    I love this. You are an emotional creature. And you have a right to all of your feelings. Feelings are not good or bad, they just are. They try to tell us something. Sometimes the feeling is just a feeling, or it is born by some old patterns and habits that are not really healthy for us, sometimes a feeling is there to force us to change, to take action.. Only we decide what to do with our feelings. I know all this, and I still can not always control my feelings.. They end up controlling me, a lot… šŸ™‚ Hugs, friend. Take care.

    • Mon ā˜  says:

      Thank you! I have to learn to see it that way more. It’s hard when you feel things. I like how you said it, “decide what to do with our feelings”. Because it always felt like there wasn’t a decision to be made, it just made me “stupid”. *Hugs back*

  5. DaisyWillows says:

    Hey Mon , I write to express my feelings. In a way that is putting something down that you can see. Your feelings are crystallized by your words. You are 100% that you don’t need to justify why you are feeling the way you do. I’m here to listen :0 xx

Please write! :'(

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