I think about how silly mistakes my parents did messed me up. And then I think about how other women handle it, street-harrassment I mean. The mean entitled stares you get from these monsters who lives off of scaring. Or maybe other women don’t experience that. But my therapist said all women here have to deal with this and this is a sad fact. But I don’t see other kids being sensitive over it. But that wasn’t the main reason I wanted to write. I am not even sure why.
My mother has diabetes. It’s sad because a)She has it and b) I am more sad for her than I was for Dad when he thought he had diabetes. It seemed like it was all in his head, all the symptoms, and now my mother is the one with real diabetes.
Dad is sick mentally. Let’s call my father “Baba”, which is what I call him. Writing “Dad” or “My father” sounds awful to me for some reason. My Baba is a selfish, perverted bitch who loves me. I didn’t think I was comfortable enough to share this on the blog, but now I am sharing and I am tearing up. That’s all I am going to say, no he didn’t molest me, but he’s sick. Ew. It’s just gross to think your father would have such weird feelings towards you. That’s all I will say.
My bitch of a therapist takes so much money and yet….she’s not caring. It’s not like she did anything, but I sensed it from her by her behavious how she was more concerned with money than for me. I know therapists aren’t your besties, they are there to help. But this bitch got to me. She was teaching me these techniques to relax and had to stop because time was over. She couldn’t take a few monutes to briefly show me the way. The costly bitch says, “Alright, I will teach you the rest during next session”. Like, bitch, why the fuck were you yapping about the importance of relaxation techniques when this was the reason I came for this session? When time was THAT important to you? And you showed me two ways to do it. Whatever I have the internet, I don’t need you for it.
But all these feelings are mostly brought on because of learning my mother has diabetis. Gosh darn it. I told myself I could handle it.