HSP or whatever

I wasn’t motivated to write but I knew I needed to. So here I am on the blog, the blog always gives me some bit of motivation. Unlike when I am writing on my own- in those times I don’t give a f*ck about my grammar. Alright sometimes I don’t on the blog too, but I trying to improve my writing.

My teacher, for what feels like the 200th time, scolded me.

And I came home. And I cried. I wish I wasn’t such a sensitive little…thing. To sort-of paraphrase Sheldon Cooper, this world is going to chew and then spit out squishy people. And I was chewed on more than I can count. And the tiniest things feel like vampire-bites and I die and then walk around dead all over. I want to blame this on my mental-illness, but I knew I was still like this before my anxiety developed.

I usually hold myself together and the only other times I cried was just when I was in first grade and just two years ago I think. No wait, I would excuse myself to the bathroom and cry in there. I knew the teacher herself was worried with her own things and it wasn’t 90% about me, her anger at me not getting “the sense of it” with my studies, but I still cried. Well, I held myself together all the way home and then I cried here. I wish I never cried. And great, I am crying as I write this.

If you are a highly sensitive person, just know you aren’t alone. I just don’t understand how others cannot simply put in the tiniest effort into understanding where others are coming from. I even do this with the cruelest of people, trying to understand what caused them to do whatever they did, but I don;t forgive them, forgiving and understanding are two things. But I just don’t get it. Why does people have to act like other people are objects that needs “managing” by harsh criticism ? I understand when something does something out-of-line, but emotionally “cutting” other people should be too.  I meditated before going to her class, but now I have to meditate again to recover from her. And no, leaving this teacher is not an option. Good teachers are hard to find here.


41 thoughts on “HSP or whatever

  1. lubnamaryam92 says:

    I remember I had a teacher in Grade 6. She was my Math teacher and she was pure evil. Just her presence made the class gloomy and when she opened her mouth- her cold, harsh criticism (even for minor issues such as the time when I didn’t wear the right uniform) crushed my enthusiasm to study for the rest of the day. Grade 6 became a time I loathed going to school. Ended up hating Math for a few years. I wish all teachers understand how much a student looks upto them, how much their criticism can be constructive or destructive at the same time if not fed in moderation. Anyways, take a chill pill, and start laughing at your own mistakes- that’s how I dealt with this and ended up becoming a class clown till I graduated school! 😉

    • Mon ☠ says:

      Yeah, I’ve had teachers like that too. Everyone would be de-energized just from hearing her name. Yeahm students look up to teachers, I know I did, and just people like that makes you feeel even more hopelesss.

  2. Deb says:

    There was a time being a teacher was more of a calling. Now it’s all about the paycheck so teachers are not the kindest. Don’t lose your sensitive side though. There will come a time it will be an envy of many. Hang in there.

  3. C.S. Wilde says:

    F** grammar! Wait…I shouldn’t be saying that, being a writer an all…
    Oh well!
    Anyway, people are always so quick to judge. It can be so very annoying. There’s nothing wrong with letting your emotions flow. In fact, keeping them is not healthy.

  4. thewishingwell says:

    I too wish sometimes that people would understand us sensitive people, and be thoughtful about our feelings. But people can be mean on planet Earth. You are not alone, many of us are highly sensitive. Keep being your wonderful self!

  5. 2ndhalfolife says:

    Here’s a lovely quote I found: “Sensitive people feel so deeply they often have to retreat from the world, in order to dig beneath the layers of pain to find their faith and courage.”
    ― Shannon L. Alder

    Keep the faith sweetie! You are a wonderful girl. ❤

  6. willytyme says:

    I sometimes cry, I tend to cry a river sometimes but there is nothing wrong with letting your emotions out lovely. People are selfish nowadays and they cut others down because they are insecure about themselves. A lot of people out there be looking lovely, but they don’t have control of their life, inside they’re ugly. dry your eyes lovely and sit back and laugh at their jealousy, they are jealous because they aren’t you. Some people show ignorance and I feel sorry for them, and then there are few like yourself who shows beauty, I’d pick you any day of the week and twice on Sunday. Stay happy and stay lovely, it’s not your fault, just their false security.

  7. survivednarc says:

    I am glad you realize it is all mostly about the teacher’s own “stuff”, sounds like she is taking a lot of frustration out on you, which is not right. She may have a hard time at home or whatever… but she should still be able to deliver criticism in a constructive and considerate way.. it is called being professional… sorry you went through that. Please know that one person does not define you, and that you will be fine. Hugs. 🙌

  8. Amy says:

    Oh yes, in my 20’s, bosses, co-workers, family and friends told me I was too sensitive. It only made me angry and paranoid, watching my every move, wondering what atrocity would next occur to set off my “sensitivity.” Here’s the thing, they don’t want to feel bad for making you cry so it’s easier for them to blame you. They don’t want to take responsibility for their cruelty and insensitivity. Your reaction reflects back to them that they may not be as good or as kind or as generous as they think they are. So, because they’re always right, it must be you. Now that I’m older, no one says that to me mostly because I don’t let them. Also, people only say that to young women. They don’t say it to older women or to men of any age. Young women take a lot of crap. So, just know that you’re loved by everyone here. Your work is valued. You’re talented. And that sensitivity of yours will only make you a better writer.

    • Mon ☠ says:

      Oh Gosh, that MUST have been so annoying 😦 That’s a great point you made, they may not want to hurt their ego to think they did something other than “good” to a person. It’s true, when you’re young, people just immediately assume I am a dumb-skull who cries for no reason, because they themselves couldn’t be so cruel, as their ego justifies that. I mean, I do understand that the older we get, the more we are open to how the world works….at least for most people, I think. But like you said, young people do have to take a lot of crap for that “child”-steoreotype. Thank you so much for your heartfelt comment, Amy! *hugs*

  9. David says:

    You should take all those little things that upset you, write them down on a bit of paper and then burn it while telling them to fuck off. Take control, show them they won’t get to you anymore.

    Or hide. Hiding works well too. Make a big pillow or blanket fort and hide there. With ice cream. Lots of ice cream.

    • Mon ☠ says:

      Hi David 🙂 I love the second options better, I did my version of it that day except my parents don’t let me have ice-cream but on rare occations, LOL. Boo. 😀 xD ❤

  10. Jen says:

    Sorry you are having to go through this. I understand all to well about being pegged as “too sensitive”. I actually just wrote a blog about it 2 days ago, if you want to check it out. There are many of us who feel more deeply and cry when we are upset. There is nothing wrong with it. Cry until your heart feels better, and then pick yourself right back up! 😉

Please write! :'(

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s