I’ll try to remember as much as therapist said. I should’ve probably kept a recorder but I can’t. My batteries are not good, so not good. But anyway a bunch of things said, some tears shed. It’s weird when someone’s understanding you; You expect people to think you’re being overdramatic. And did I keep trying to justify the “absurd” things I was saying by starting with, “Okay, so this will sound overly-dramatic but I…” and continued.
I am not sure if I can share some of the things here that I shared with therapist. I did mention about the whole “short hubby” thing and I started bawling like a baby, I sometimes wonder why I even have so many useless feelings. I was all, “Nawwwww I don’ thinks I gets hubs ‘less I super-woman and can offer stuff” and sh*t.
I told her I hated mom’s constant criticism. And Therapist told me of this incident of this little girl who survived in a jungle after a plane-crash and was cared for by …some four-legged creatures I forgot the name of. And she’d walk on all fours and eat without the aid of her hands. Therapist said that if she had her human parents raising her, she’d be walking on two legs just like all the others. She’d learn to speak the language of her parents. But the jungle was all that her life-view was limited to. And that’s why she’d make loud animalistic noises and…do those other animal-things. Similarly, without having many positive influences in my life, I think that all I am is the criticism I hear. And that’s been in my subconscious for so long. Therapist said if anyone else were in my position, they’d be the same way.
Therapist also told me to check out articles on the affect of borderline people on their family.
Well, that therapist may have a point to her story. Seriously. But if you need to be showered with love, I am here for you ❤ 🙂 Pinecone, don't get too bogged down. Life goes on and gets better if you let it. 😉
I know you be here 🙂 Thank you, Piney 🙂 Much love your way ❤
Hugs! Hang in there dear! I’m glad you are still going to therapy!
Thank you, Yanaakm! 🙂
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Thank you so much, Amy!
Your name is Mon petite’, your name isn’t Miss. Understood. You’d be surprised how many people are walking in your shoes despite how little your feet are. ;o)
Never consider your feelings useless because your feelings are never wrong, just the actions that follow. You can use them in a negative or positive manner. With all the critisizm your Mom throws at you and you endured, you are stronger than you think. There is no need to cry over how positively powerful you are. And any man, short or tall, fat or small….they are lucky in my opinion because they are with you. Beautiful, positive and caring, what else can you ask for? Smile lovely, you’re worth it.
My feet are a size 8 😉 You’re right, Willy. With all the criticism thrown, I can still have the capacity to…..blog (LOL). It’s strange that often when I reply to your comments, I edit my comments so much. I cut and cut out lines here and there. Sometimes it feels like I wrote something too much or whatever. But you’ve been too supportive 🙂 Thank you so much, Willsies!
No problem lovely, and no need to edit any lines or delete any sentences. I enjoy reading your blogs as much as I would enjoy listening to one you are presenting. You can never be to long winded for me. ;o)
I only support those who have earned it, and I only speak the truth.
Thank you for the love….and your truth 😉
For you, anything lovely.
Thanks, Wills! :3 😀 Same here 🙂
;o)
:o3
“It’s weird when someone’s understanding you;”
I can’t wait for that to ever happen.
Yeah. She wasn’t being judgmental or anything. I expected her to think that I was being a dramatic baby or something. But she was just being so understanding, paraphrasing everything that I said. It’s comforting…..sad it costs much to get someone to listen to you.
I’m not sure what you meant when you said ‘useless feelings’ –if you meant that you have feelings of being useless or if you mean your feelings are useless. Certainly you should not feel any things you feel are useless if that’s what you meant. They are yours to feel whatever they are. If it is that you feel useless, then I agree with the therapist–we are often because of what creates us. But sweetheart, you are doing everything right to create a new you! The first step is realizing the past you is not something that feels good or right! And then taking action to fix it (which you are already doing). But changing takes time. I’m almost 60 years old and I’m STILL changing the things about myself I don’t like! We are constantly works in progress and sometimes it takes many years to figure out what made us the way we are. You are way ahead of me at your age!! xo
Hi! 😀 I am so glad you’re here again. Thanks so much! 🙂 Yeah. I know feelings shouldn’t be labeled but when they just come up and make me feel physically heavy, I feel like I could just go without them. I wish there was an on/off switch regarding feelings. I know. I know the situations not static 😮 Thanks for encouraging me with this 🙂 I am trying. Especially when every moment I just feel so fake, like I am lving some lie, of course, everybody going through anything hard feels that way then. Thank you so much for caring and talking the time to write such a long and supportive comment. Hugs ❤ xo
I enjoy your blog and the passion with which you live your life. Remember : this too shall pass! Embrace your young beautiful life. It goes by before you know it. I would give anything to have my years back again! 😏💗
Thank you 🙂 Aw, sometimes I do wish for it to pass early though. Unless things get worse, then i can’t let this pass 😮
Hang in! 💖
❤