I only kept my new year’s resolution to one- To relax more. I kept it to one so that it is easier to focus on (ha). So it’s been 9 days so far.
I think I am doing…average.
I’ve been giving myself a less of a hard time from the beginning of the year. I was more okay with myself.
Whenever mom criticized me for break-downs, I let myself wallow in self-pity a while because I have to honor my emotions. It can be hard when you have to fight against depression and your tiger-mother. It’s harder than the word “hard” can even make you think.
I feel guilty for how my mental state is affecting my family and I don’t do much. But then I wonder if I would want someone I loved to feel guilty for having a mental-illness. The answer is….quite obvious. But I still just cry and lie in bed and all those other depression-stuff or whatever…well yesterday I said outloud that I wanted to die. But I have my period today so I’ll blame it on my hormones this time instead of…chemical imbalance in my brain.
Anyhow, review time..
What had The Mon done well?
1. I am conscious of my goal almost all the time…I mean, it’s just one goal (I AM LEGEND). All my 19 years of life taught me that simplifying gets things done instead of having many options. It’s tempting to want options, especially since I have Extraverted Intuition in my secondary function (I don’t know how you dominant Ne peeps do it!) which makes me want to wonder around. Especially since now that I work on utilizing it more. Which brings me to #2
2. One thing I found that helped me to both relax and energize more is to “move” my thoughts. What I mean is…(I warn you for the next few lines if you aren’t an MBTI geek) I try to use my Extraverted Intuition more often to have many possibilities. Having the Introverted Sensing as tertiary function, it is so tempting to rest into that especially since I have to deal with..my head. You know? i practice “moving through” different thoughts about a topic or whatever. More like..brain storming. And it energizes me a lot because it sort of gets me out of the “stuck-to-the-past” thinking loop which an inferior Si can bring.
How did The Mon benefit from the above…done-wells?
I am changing in little ways. I got more motivated to eat less, to have less salt with my food (I read somewhere that we shouldn’t have any more than one tea-spoon of salt a day). I have seen some visible results of my body slimming. My face looks a little sharper. I knew getting to relax more was like two birds, one stone (though I wouldn’t hurt birdies!) which is why I choose this one. Being relaxed makes choosing healthier options easier.
One little fuming dope-ball: Did you know that relaxation from meditation switches on the protective effect of our genes to fight free radicals (Free radicals are bullies that are constantly in the process of killing your cells) ? This is called the Relaxation Response (RR). In summary: relaxation CHANGES genes to make us healthier.Moving on to my questions….
What can The Mon do better?
Always be on the look-out for decisions I make based on my past experiences. The past can be useful, but I can’t let it stop me from doing anything as I make mountain out of gigantic-deadly mole hills. I mean, of course I will always be using my past. If I don’t remember anything, I would be having Alzheimer right now. But I need to be more possibility-oriented than Never-I’ll-Die!-oriented. I will make more of a conscious effort to “move past” my thoughts and consider various possibilities and ideas instead of just doubling down and cowering. Instead of thinking, “It’s ONLY going to be x,” I need to think, “What if there were other ways I could do it, perceive it, etc”. That’s all y’all.
What are your new year’s resolution(s)?