I know I said I wouldn’t post anymore till next year. But now I have to.
Cammy said she was on drugs, dealing with a break-up and was pressurized to take the exams within a limited time-frame. She normally overgeneralizes a lot of things but this time I trust her. Break-ups.
I always used to tease her a little about who her boyfriend was. She always said she didn’t have one. I did not believe her one bit, ever. Because she thinks having a boyfriend is something to be ashamed of. So she would NEVER admit such attraction towards any guys.
The fact that she admitted a break-up that proved she was enough on the effects of drugs to care about what she was saying; she cares way too much about society to admit this fact about her. Especially to me, because I happen to wear a head-scarf and she thinks I am going to start shoving down religious-opinions down her throat.
She started telling me of this guy she loved. This guy who told her he loved her too. But this overage guy, 5 years older than her, also wanted sex….before marriage. I told her it was unacceptable to propose that crap, knowing the kind of girl she is. She said she hated the idea of sex before marriage, and I said I understood her. I can’t imagine it for myself either. But because she was taking so much time in telling him where she wants to go in this relationship, the guy broke off with her and started on with another girl
I know what it’s like to fall in love with someone you aren’t supposed to fall in love with. And I myself hadn’t even told that guy about my feelings. And neither did we even have a relationship…we didn’t even have a friendship. And yet I fancied that guy for two years, pining over him. So I could totally understand where she was coming from. This need for love in whoever seems close-to-acceptable when all hope gets lost.
She cried from time to time. It was heartbreaking.
But then. I wasn’t the one in love, I could see her situation maybe a bit more clearly. I think this guy is trying to make her jealous by hanging out with other girls. I think this guy saw how simple, damaged she was and targeted her. And I think that her isolation, at the place she lives in, triggered feelings of company….and for a delinquent to get free from her stupid, pressurizing parents. And once you love someone, it’s a long way going back to un-loving them.
My mom says it’s “easy” to get someone out of depression (isn’t Mom so innocent?) but that it’s hard to get someone out of an addiction, and the last part I believe, from personal experience.
Cammie was slightly manipulative to me in the past, but she is also damaged. I ignored her because I wanted someone who was less superficial. I wish I was more of a friend to her either way. I wish I called her more often. I was feeling a slight guilt over it. But now I know I need to check up on her every day. Call her everyday to see how she is doing. While on the phone, she thanked me for listening. I told it was absolutely nothing; I was simply sitting there holding a phone up my ear.
I don’t know what to think about it. I tried to avoid thinking about it because I don’t know how to organize these thoughts. I had difficulty sleeping last night just thinking about her. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. I could’ve started bawling but Mom was just beside me. And now I am doing everything I can to avoid my thoughts but at the same feel for her.
I want to f*cking kill that over-pressurizing mother of Cammie’s.How does that b*tch pressurize so f*cking much!? Always going, “Get all As” and spreading her crap like that all over the place. HOW much can a girl take? It’s enough to feel like a disappointment. Her mother won’t even ACCEPT anything she says. I know Cammie herself can be a b*tch but I blame her attitude on her mother quite a lot. A girl needs her mother to BE a mother.