A Slight Announcement

Hello Reader ๐Ÿ™‚ I have news to bring ๐Ÿ˜ฎ I am going to write more about the things that happen in my life. This could turn into a diary blog.

Also expect baby pictures from time to time, like the one here ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks to JudieAnn Rose for allowing me to share the cuteness that is her children ๐Ÿ˜€ I am a big fan of her blog. Being the stalker I am, I scrolled through her many instagram photos and noticed the adorableness they radiated! .

I feel a lot calmer now that I have less pressure of “coming up” with things. Because the things that happen weren’t….definitely aren’t….things I planned during the day xD I am too lazy for that.

This will call for more relaxed writing. I love the idea for that. Time for the boring side of Mon for everyone to see ๐Ÿ™‚ Don’t worry, I am still the same (unfortunately).

I listened to this video on narcissism by Safe Haven and one of the tips she suggested was to act as if you are calm. To act as if you aren’t affected when the Narcย  criticizes you. I tried that.Here’s what happened…

This morning I was reading Almost Heaven and Mom peered in. She told me to “prepare myself” for work later. Now, if you read my previous posts, I am taking medicine to help me to focus better. And it is working, little by little. And after months of no studies, I went back to studying. I didn’t even feel like reading books, one of my favorite pastimes. And I’ve recently been picking up books (Yeay!). But….

I knew that if I replied to Mom with “Okay” it wouldn’t be Okay. Hm? I would get even more questions in an irritated tone. “Why don’t you study right now?” “What are your plans for today, REALLY?” etc etc. Now, I would reply to her that I would study whenever I felt like it, as Iย  always did. I had great results despite my anxiety attacks in the past because of working hard (as much as I could, really). And right now I am going through something that made me unable to focus on studying. Anyhow my answer would launch a whole lot of other questions. So what I did was keep quiet because I was close to her anyway and able to listen…anyway. I was pretending to be fully engrossed in the book.

“Oh? So you don’t respect your mother?” She became hostile. Great. She sensed that I knew she would investigate me. I could tell it by her tone of voice that changed from neutral to angry. In a matter of seconds.

“No,” I said slightly jokingly.

AND SHE WENT NUTS. Let me explain that she isn’t the listening kind of person, but whenever she listens, it’s always about her. Everything is about her. I was panicking? Why don’t I see how good of a mother she is. I am not doing anything wrong….”Why don’t you see that I cook for you!!!?”. Etc. I have since a long timefelt guilty for her having even cook for me. Like I shouldn’t be here to be fed; Like it was a favor from her. (And please, don’t take Mom’s side, especially when you haven’t met her. You have no clue how she manipulates other people).

“I am totally fed up with you!” She replied to me. “I am angry that you made a comment like that. It doesn’t feel good, does it? To have a personal servant here working away for you cooking! No respect for your mother!” And other things I forgot to mention. I tried to keep a calm disposition and act like I knew myself, my worth, (the value of my mental health), etc Even though inside was a roiling mass of fear, hopelessness, anger, feeling abandoned, feeling of being a disappointment, etc.

A few moments later she got cooler :I She was heading off to Grandma’s as she planned last night. Then she said something completely neutral that I forgot.

She just called me a while ago about where the food was o_O And then she made an indirect comment about my lack of respect for her, “I am going to stay with my Mom from now on. Okay?” I said, “Okay.” She does this a lot. And then comes back obviously. “This is how the world works. hmm?” She said like if I disrespected her, she would leave me. “Okay” I replied. “Okay, bye!” Mom said. *Sigh* I don’t want to explain myself for new readers right now. Even myself if I read the above things I wrote, I look like an ungrateful, snarky daughter. But you can’t judge me before knowing all the stories. Damn, writing about her feels sad ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Anyhow, even though I was happy for spending the day alone, I was scared. I was alone with my thoughts now. Whenever Mom was around, I had this illusion that she would fight the thoughts inside my heads. And today I was alone. I tried to keep busy. I meditated which in turn turned me to sleep. Right now, I am alright somewhat.

16 thoughts on “A Slight Announcement

  1. willytyme says:

    I think you meant fortunately I am still the same. ;o) Don’t ever change who you are petite’, because it may affect who you are trying to become. Doesn’t mothers know it’s their job to care for their children, they don’t supply the ride and take a hike. being alone at home is such a reward, so much peace and solace that can be found. Parents will always find a reason to complain, I heard parents, not adults, but parents age backwards. The older they get, the more immature they become, at least it goes that way for my parents. You should try reverse psychology on her sometimes, that way she’ll be forced to think about things. You continue being who you are cause you do it better than anyone lovely. And if meditation is making you sleepy, you are concentrating to hard. ;o)

  2. yanaakm says:

    Yays for standing your ground! I think the advice with narcissistic is a good one. Also sometimes I just have to fake it until I make it. I do things like being social, even if I don’t feel like it because I know eventually I will….just as an example. Hang in there! Hugs!

    • The Write To Sanity says:

      Ya know…. Writing doesn’t just help the reader… I’ve seen myself in many of my writings. I can’t say that I’ve always liked what I saw… But it’s easier to make adjustments along the way.
      I have also lived the “fake it till you make it” life. Thank GAWD I do not have to do that anymore.
      Keep writing, girlie (assuming you’re a girl). It is the key to your sanity!
      And thanks for being so transparent… It gave me a goal (as a mom of a snarky 14yr old daughter) to not say those narcissistic things… Even when she’s being particularly “difficult “.

      • Mon โ˜  says:

        Yes, Iknow! I often don’t know what my thoughts are until I write them! It makes things lighter.
        Yes, I am a girlie ๐Ÿ™‚ Oh, I see. But yeah, children definitely need to learn the boundaries of the parents too, but in a healthier way ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks โค

  3. sonofabeach96 says:

    I’m sorry Mon. Be strong and enjoy the solitude. My mom was manipulative too. Like I’ve said, at some point, you’ll no longer have to deal with it. That doesn’t mean she won’t still try, but you won’t have to see or talk to her if you don’t want to.

  4. koolaidmoms says:

    I love reading your posts. Having a son with similar issues (except for the mother part) I was struck by the sentence that you stopped reading even though you enjoy it. That has always been my son’s go to thing. He LOVES his books and read all the time. Lately I have noticed he is not reading as much and when I asked him why he said it was boring him. Now I wonder if something needs to change to help him focus better. Thank you for the idea.

    • Mon โ˜  says:

      Yeah. Reading looked more boring to me. It wasn’t until I took this new medicine that I realized that it was because reading became more difficult. I couldn’t go through the process of trying hard to focus which made reading incredibly tiresome. I am back on my books now, even though my attention isn’t completely back.

      I hope he is alright though. Thanks so much for the warmth โค

Please write! :'(

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