Uh huh. Another mental doctor! Well, not completely mental. My Mother sat down with him and explained my problems like I was a sociopath who put off her studies.”She can blog, but she can’t focus on her studies. When I tell her to study she cries and goes, “Why doesn’t anyone understand me?” She doesn’t even watch her favorite serials anymore. She just gets hooked on the internet”.
First of all, that’s not what I say. I sound like this: “Why can’t you understand that I try? I don’t deliberately put off my studies!” But she made me sound like a nut who went dramatic over putting a little effort in studies (which is true but in a completely different way).
“She doesn’t socialize with people. She only talks when it’s needed. She can tackle situations pretty well, but she is SO choosy with people!” Mom continued. Yeah. It’s not okay to be an introvert I guess.
“But Mom,” I try to find the proper words, because my mind turned blank. I put my head down. I put my head up a few seconds later and turned to Doc. “I CAN socialize. I just don’t want to socialize with JUST anyone. I mean I can Skype people, other bloggers, I tend to get better along with them than JUST anyone.”
Upon hearing my sh*t the doctor came to a conclusion. “Oh, so you live in the VIRTUAL world more than the REAL world?”
Is there a word for “romanticist-but-not-out-of-touch-with-reality-and-shitting-in-the-virtual-world”? I couldn’t find that word.But reality? Should I soak in the glory of being trapped in my apartment while all these dudes are playing sports? Sports I want to play, but I have the socially undignified vagina; no outbound games for me. At least, not in this country.
He continued, “Do you indulge in fantasies?” Well, who doesn’t?
“Oh, Sir. You have made a very good point! She LIVES in the virtual” My Mom finished for me.
Seriously. THIS? The Internet? Virtual World? THIS is a WORLD? This is a medium, not a world. A medium to carry my awesome, childish and odd thoughts to those who happen to like my stuff. How is this a world? I am typing into a box about how this space could EVER be a reality. I am sharing MY REALITY, not getting sucked into the digital black-hole. Wherever this black-hole may be. The internet is a STORAGE of thoughts, videos, cat pictures, etc. How am I to live in a storage of binary reality?
After his visit, I was starting to believe the doctor. Do I live IN the internet? I like the “likes” and follows on my blog. I do get a little nervous if I miss a day to post, but the nervousness subsides. It’s not like I get OCD over it, even though I have OCD. But I reasoned with myself. No, this is not what I do on the internet. I am so very aware of the world, I just don’t find anything interesting about it (and I feel guilty about feeling that way too). And with all the interesting data is on the internet. What else am I supposed to do? Play sports and get raped? Na. I live in the internet.
Definition of Internet:
That world of one’s and zero’s where me and my homies at.
“Mon, try to balance the practical with the virtual,” My mother said not too long ago. It’s not like my mother isn’t already munching on my head. The doctor gave Mom another thing to munch on…along with me. Now the only outlet I have here, the internet, a medium, the only medium, is at risk of being crushed by Mom.
To whomever it concerns: To me, the opposite of listening is “advising”. So, please. Please. You don’t know me. You don’t know my Mother. You have no clue WHO I am. I am too tired of being made to feel guilty by Mom JUST FOR BEING FED….(as been made guilty BY her)! I don’t need anyone to tell me how much she cares. I know she does. I have enough days of being told of how I victimize her just by having her cook for me. Thank you so much.
Image by Lila