Virtually Crazy

Uh huh. Another mental doctor! Well, not completely mental. My Mother sat down with him and explained my problems like I was a sociopath who put off her studies.”She can blog, but she can’t focus on her studies. When I tell her to study she cries and goes, “Why doesn’t anyone understand me?” She doesn’t even watch her favorite serials anymore. She just gets hooked on the internet”.

First of all, that’s not what I say. I sound like this: “Why can’t you understand that I try? I don’t deliberately put off my studies!” But she made me sound like a nut who went dramatic over putting a little effort in studies (which is true but in a completely different way).

“She doesn’t socialize with people. She only talks when it’s needed. She can tackle situations pretty well, but she is SO choosy with people!” Mom continued. Yeah. It’s not okay to be an introvert I guess.

“But Mom,” I try to find the proper words, because my mind turned blank. I put my head down. I put my head up a few seconds later and turned to Doc. “I CAN socialize. I just don’t want to socialize with JUST anyone. I mean I can Skype people, other bloggers, I tend to get better along with them than JUST anyone.”

Upon hearing my sh*t the doctor came to a conclusion. “Oh, so you live in the VIRTUAL world more than the REAL world?”

“No, I..”

Is there a word for “romanticist-but-not-out-of-touch-with-reality-and-shitting-in-the-virtual-world”? I couldn’t find that word.But reality? Should I soak in the glory of being trapped in my apartment while all these dudes are playing sports? Sports I want to play, but I have the socially undignified vagina; no outbound games for me. At least, not in this country.

He continued, “Do you indulge in fantasies?” Well, who doesn’t?

“Oh, Sir. You have made a very good point! She LIVES in the virtual” My Mom finished for me.

Seriously. THIS? The Internet? Virtual World? THIS is a WORLD? This is a medium, not a world. A medium to carry my awesome, childish and odd thoughts to those who happen to like my stuff. How is this a world? I am typing into a box about how this space could EVER be a reality. I am sharing MY REALITY, not getting sucked into the digital black-hole. Wherever this black-hole may be. The internet is a STORAGE of thoughts, videos, cat pictures, etc. How am I to live in a storage of binary reality?

After his visit, I was starting to believe the doctor. Do I live IN the internet? I like the “likes” and follows on my blog. I do get a little nervous if I miss a day to post, but the nervousness subsides. It’s not like I get OCD over it, even though I have OCD. But I reasoned with myself. No, this is not what I do on the internet. I am so very aware of the world, I just don’t find anything interesting about it (and I feel guilty about feeling that way too). And with all the interesting data is on the internet. What else am I supposed to do? Play sports and get raped? Na. I live in the internet.

Definition of Internet:

That world of one’s and zero’s where me and my homies at.

“Mon, try to balance the practical with the virtual,” My mother said not too long ago. It’s not like my mother isn’t already munching on my head. The doctor gave Mom another thing to munch on…along with me. Now the only outlet I have here, the internet, a medium, the only medium, is at risk of being crushed by Mom.

To whomever it concerns: To me, the opposite of listening is “advising”. So, please. Please. You don’t know me. You don’t know my Mother. You have no clue WHO I am. I am too tired of being made to feel guilty by Mom JUST FOR BEING FED….(as been made guilty BY her)! I don’t need anyone to tell me how much she cares. I know she does. I have enough days of being told of how I victimize her just by having her cook for me. Thank you so much.

Image by Lila


33 thoughts on “Virtually Crazy

  1. EdenNoMore says:

    I’m sure your mom cares about you, just like mine does, but it sounds like your mom has a problem with image. It seems more important that the problems go away than you actually get what you need in all of this. I mean, you’re the only one who can explain it all, and your mother needs to take a back seat.

    Is there any way you can get her to wait outside for your next appointment? You may get more done that way.

    • Mon โ˜  says:

      Oh, Eden you explained it well! “seems more important that the problems go away than you actually get what you need in all of this”

      ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Yes. And no, even if my Mom “understood” she would soon get back to her “Why can’t you”s just like as always when I explain problems to her :I

  2. David says:

    I was really tempted to leave a long comment saying how much your mother cares about you…

    Also there is nothing wrong with being picky about who you socialise with. Most people are idiots and their stupidity can be contagious.

    You should threaten to be more social and hang out with the kids who do drugs. She’ll soon be begging you to go back to your “virtual” world.

    • Mon โ˜  says:

      I know! I am so picky, I only had 3 freakin friends from my many school-switching and moving :I It’s crazy how she expects me to walk around them and just “get on with” the conversations. I don’t talk about something I am not interested in. If I am interested in someone, I can talk to them.

      LOL, I don’t know many drug-dealing “friends” xD And the ones who would be drug-dealing would find a way to not let anyone know….so I don’t know xD Yeah. At the rate she is pushing me into talking with people who think nothing like me :I DYAMN.

  3. willytyme says:

    You should tell your mom there are worse things to be hooked on, my mom thinks of me as compulsive when it comes to certain things. Would she like to see you in the Virtual world or in jail? Would she rather you blog or booze? It’s whack how people draw negative conclusions without even knowing the positives people bring to the table. Ugh!!! Parents are so uninformed these days!!! Don’t feel guilty about feeling the way you do, your feelings are never ever wrong lovely. It’s funny but adults were the same as children once, they’ve just gotten so old that they have forgotten. I don’t socialize with a lot of people either but in blogland people can relate and not judge, which is how everyone should be. It’s your right to talk to who you want whenever you want, one friend or a hundred, there’s no set limit on how many one should carry. I’m on your side all the way girlfriend!! Roll with whatcha know!!!

    • Mon โ˜  says:

      Oh no. Mom is never satisfied with me :I If I compare myself with other kids she will think I don’t appreciate her. While on the other hand, she compares me with kids who study a lot. Kids who are academically successful. It’s really hard with her. She thinks she is the Leader and I should be a certain way.

      Yeah, in blogland, most people are amazing to hang out with ๐Ÿ™‚ I really don’t have the energy to talk with people who won’t get me. I am always keenly observing who is as weird as me. And when I find them, I friend them, but weird people come in such shortages xD Yeah. Thanks for rooting for me, Willy ๐Ÿ™‚

      • willytyme says:

        Happiness isn’t getting what you want, it’s wanting what you have. Your mom needs to learn that, she has gold right in front of her but she is to blind to see it because she’s busy looking at what everyone else has. That’s to bad, but it’s your life and no one else’s lovely, live to please you and in time that will please others. I too don’t have the energy or patience to talk to a lot of people, especially when I talk and they have a blank stare as if I’m speaking another language, so frustrating! As weird as you are, I find a connection to you already because your weirdness is on the same level as mine, a perfect pair of nuts. (no pun intended) We’d probably be best friends if I didn’t live on Mars. ;o)

      • Mon โ˜  says:

        Yeah :I Thanks for the saying such nice things ๐Ÿ™‚

        Yeah the blank stare is the annoying-est ๐Ÿ˜ฅ Haha

        And why no pun intended? xD Hahaha. Yeah, online friends are the coolest ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

  4. yanaakm says:

    Maybe explain to the Doctor that you use your blog as a medium to journal. I have seen people who are more virtual than reality, that isn’t you. You are exploring your reality through writing/blogging.

    • Mon โ˜  says:

      Yeah, I know :I I tried to explain it to the doctor, but didn’t know how to. I mean, he obviously knows it’s a jounal or what else am I to blog about xD But…eh. He won’t get it -_- Thanks, Yanaakm.

  5. sahantsm says:

    People pretend to listen and think they understood. They make assumptions and come conclusions without even think!!!

    I think people should understand that sometimes others do not need some advises or judgement. Sometimes we need guidance, love or sometimes we need them to agree with us.

    I think the world would be a “better place” if people just stop being judging and forcing their thoughts to others. A better thing to do would be just sharing thoughts like what you and me do.

    • Monโ™ฅ (INFP. Anyone?) says:

      I know!!!!!! Ah, everything you’ve said ๐Ÿ˜Š It’s so scary how fast others make decisions for you without knowing the whole story. I think the world would be a better place for that too! Thanks yeah we should continue sharing away โคโคโคโคโคโค

  6. sonofabeach96 says:

    This time in life, your youth and while still living at home, under your parents’ wings, is such a short snippet of your journey. You have so much more life to lead, experiences to be had, good and bad. The time will come for you, when you’ll make the decisions that determine your path, not your mom, or anyone else for that matter. Patience.

Please write! :'(

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