Delving Into my Mind.

“How are you, today?” He smiled.

“I am fine.,,,Somewhat fine..eh-uh… Moderately fine,”

I returned from the therapist a while ago. I feel better about this session. He got deeper about my parents’ relationship, their relationships’ effect on me, my mother decrying me, etc.

Sometime during out our talk, I observed the room around me. I didn’t like the reality around: I was sitting in the therapist’s room. Ignoring this feeling I asked, “Well, all parents are like this right?” And he nodded, “NOoooOooOOooOoooo” stretching the “Oooo” part of the word. He said most children see their siblings get the same treatment as they do. Hence they don’t think “too” much of it. While I didn’t have a sibling and  analyzed things to a deeper level. Then I asked if he believed if children learnt lessons properly from a beating. He said not.

He’s told me my Mom’s cooking was a necessary thing to do for her child. She shouldn’t have to tell me it’s a “favor”. It’s not like I have a difficulty accepting that. Not anymore, I sought help for it online. And when the doctor said that, I started crying.

I think I cried four times in the therapist’s office :I It’s sort of therapeutic -hearing advice from someone verses reading articles online.

Before I left the room I asked where the bin was to discard my tear-wiped tissues. He showed me a bin with lots of crunched up tissues. “You get more patients like me, huh?” I said pointing at the tissues and he burst out laughing xD He said I was funny. I tried not to laugh as much as him as I threw in my tissue and went out to call my parents back in.

I would rate this session a 3/10. It was better than before. And the doctor told me that I carried my head (thus, my problems) with me again.

Image: Paul Militaru

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21 thoughts on “Delving Into my Mind.

  1. Miss Evelyn says:

    Therapy is indeed difficult because you’re looking for answers but feel frustrated because the therapist isn’t providing any. But they are not supposed to provide answers, they are suppose to support your decisions. That’s why I’m reading to understand more myself and things are starting to glue together yet they also fall apart sometimes. Its putting back together that’s the toughest. But you’re getting there. Hugs!! 😄

  2. EdenNoMore says:

    When I started therapy, I felt the same way. I spent so many sessions in tears and I though, “God, why am I putting myself through this? I’m just dragging up things that hurt and it sucks. I really need to quit.” A couple months went by and I noticed I started feeling different. I’m not sure what happened, but something hit the switch and it started getting better. Yeah, I still feel like I’m moving far more slowly than I should be, but I’m getting there. It’s a process.

    That’s something hard to remember when it comes to therapy, but try to keep it in mind. It takes a lot to flip that switch and start making progress. It’s not going to happen one day, where you’ll go in and suddenly start feeling good about it. It’s going to take time. Stick with it, and remember, you’ve got people who want to hear all about it, and support you through it all!

  3. sonofabeach96 says:

    I agree with the other comments. Glad it’s better, and it continues to get better, even when you think you’re just spinning your wheels. Your therapist sounds reasonable. Give it a chance.

  4. miusho says:

    I’m thinking most people feel like it’s not helping.. But in the end it does. I guess it’s all about accepting help. You did a great job on your own but, I guess sometimes you have to let others help you because you’ve reached a hurdle you can’t overcome on your own..

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