I talked to Camelia (Cammy) again and this time I did better. But I also can’t believe I was this dumb. Why would a girl who doesn’t care about what her mother says cry about her opinions suddenly? She doesn’t have financial crises, and her family is always, as usual. So what had caused the change?
My (100%, I am sure) theory: She got dumped. She will never tell me if she was seeing anyone, for whatever reason. She always says she doesn’t see anyone. But she isn’t the kind of girl who would sit around at home being afraid and innocent. She goes out in the mean streets and does what she has to do.
I always seem to vacillate from believing her to actually using my head.
Cammy also doesn’t “seem” like the kind of girl who would be single. She is my opposite- a badass (70%). And at first when she called me about her mother being annoying , which her mother is, it should’ve been clear to me that this wasn’t the whole story. I know her. I know she doesn’t give a damn about her mother. Why would studying be hard to concentrate on all of a sudden?
It was heartbreak. It HAS to be. Like, all of a sudden she tipped from, “My Mom is an idiot,” to “I care about not disappointing Mom,”? I know she loves her mother, I also know she loves freedom and getting things. But anyhow, I am here to support her, whether she tells me what her problem is or not.
Her transference of emotions to me on the phone was felt, very deeply nevertheless. She was never this emotional with me. Her sudden sharing of vulnerability fostered a little intimacy between us. I was listening the whole time. I listened so much; she had to call me out from time to time to “not get into her emotional vortex”.
From time to time, this fear was running in and out of my head. Fear of not being a good enough friend to her. I wanted to “salve” her pain a little.So I turned on my silly-mode after a whole lot of listening. I started making silly remarks and jokes again. I made funny voices again. I sang funny cartoon theme-songs and told her to repeat after me. The entire time she was laughing and had to take breaks to catch her breath xD
Before the end of our convo, she told me she could only turn to me for sharing her problems. Also, that I always found a way to make her laugh. It was truly heartfelt. I try to make her laugh in every encounter we had, before she revealed her grief to me. So it made me feel better too.
So anyhow, that’s all. And I have to study now. I hate studying, but…grrrr….Just thought I would update ya’ll on how she’s (and I am) going with this.
Image by Paul!