Triumph of Tania

I am giving in to my medications. After the triumph of Tania, I realized that I couldn’t inferior A’ Level results. I know, I am basing my success on grades. And I need it.

I need to listen to my doctor too; It’s time I learnt that I don’t have power over my mind. I can’t study; I can’t focus, as hard as I try. I drift away too often; I always do, but not to the extent where I abandon my studies. Mom was attuned to me on this. She said she was suspecting depression on my part because of it all. I think it is more of an”anxiety” problem than “depression”. But who knows? Is there much of a difference between them?

I despise this. I even hate not having control over my hormones. When I see good-looking people, my mind goes like, “NO! I SHALL NOT!” (LOL). Know what I am saying?

I agreed with Mom I will take my pills. Maybe I will be writing about my journey with anxiety-pills. Let’s see how ingesting pills go…again.

No. More. Hassle. Please. Mon? *sigh* No more holding back from what’s inevitable, no more pressing myself to “be normal”. I can’t buffer against pain on my own, as much as I like to believe, I need help.

I don’t have to be the hero.

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21 thoughts on “Triumph of Tania

  1. Lencie says:

    Yeah, taking medicine isn’t as bad as it seems. I have to take things for my anxiety, and it’s honestly helped me a lot. It puts me in a calm enough state of mind to really think and clear the haze in my head, and that’s such a freeing feeling. Not to say that I don’t still have days, it’s just that they’re few and far between. I really feel that I’ve been making great strides. I think you will too once you get into the swing of taking your pills again. Good luck!

  2. yanaakm says:

    It took me a few years before I would take any meds for my anxiety and depression. It took me seeing how it was effecting my relationship with my Daddy, and getting worse and worse. I take Lexapro. It is a low dose of serotonin and it helps so much. And I don’t feel numb either. And I still have bad days. Though I’m doing much better than I was.

    • Mon (Imma girl) says:

      Oh yeah, starting with low dose of serotonin does sound best. It’s sad. We just want to heal and not have to depend on medication all the time because that might make us too dependent on it. And then we have to face the reality for what it is. I am glad you are doing better 🙂 I hope for the same result myself. Thanks for sharing your little life-piece here ❤

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