I changed my theme again 😮 Would you tell me how this one is?
I see food as a sign of love and victory. When having a savory meal, I feel “fulfilled”, “successful” and “loved”. Writing this makes me crave a burger right now.
I see people around me and see how normal they are. I’ve always felt this way. What kind of meditation do YOU do to stay this normal? Do they know the hours and hours of meditation I went through to be this way today? And this way isn’t ideal but I wouldn’t do nothing to go back to the way I was before.
Sexual attraction. When I see attractive people, I feel something in my stomach going against each other and smashing and creating a mess. My head also gets a bit dizzy (No, I am not mental! No…I mean…uhh…*sticks tongue out and runs the other way while flapping arms like a f**king chicken trying to fly*) It’s like the insides of my stomach twist over (Ew) because…..I have no clue. I have no clue how others f-ing love watching attractive people and staring at them. I feel like I will burst up in flames. And They are nutty like, “Oowwhh…yeahh”. Really? Also, it gets in my pride because I hate being not under control of my feelings.
You: But Mon, how do you deal with OCD then?
Me: Just think, my little grasshopper
And…if you read all my previous posts, I mentioned that falling under the spell of other’s outer beauty is like a sign of surrender to me. I am like, “Nawt, dowing dyat sh*t!” Hence I learnt about a solution for this online and the advice came from guys who tried to hide their boners :I The solution is to imagine something utterly disgusting when you get such feelings and those guys gave some ridiculous examples and it just cracked me up. I wonder if it will help the next time something like this happens because the usual biting my teeth hard doesn’t actually help much.
In this series, I open my heart more; I will share some of my deepest thoughts. I will put these in the rants categories 😮 These will be a bit messy as I share my thoughts as they come. This will be my totally imperfect, vulnerable side other than the happy bubbly person you guys see, that’s also a part of me, but this is the secret (not so secret anymore) part of me. Please don’t judge, these are simply my thoughts expressed openly. If you don’t like them, what are you doing here?