Vulnerability #4

I changed my theme again ๐Ÿ˜ฎ Would you tell me how this one is?

I see food as a sign of love and victory. When having a savory meal, I feel “fulfilled”, “successful” and “loved”. Writing this makes me crave a burger right now.

I see people around me and see how normal they are. I’ve always felt this way. What kind of meditation do YOUย  do to stay this normal? Do they know the hours and hours of meditation I went through to be this way today? And this way isn’t ideal but I wouldn’t do nothing to go back to the way I was before.

Sexual attraction. When I see attractive people, I feel something in my stomach going against each other and smashing and creating a mess. My head also gets a bit dizzy (No, I am not mental! No…I mean…uhh…*sticks tongue out and runs the other way while flapping arms like a f**king chicken trying to fly*) It’s like the insides of my stomach twist over (Ew) because…..I have no clue. I have no clue how others f-ing love watching attractive people and staring at them. I feel like I will burst up in flames. And They are nutty like, “Oowwhh…yeahh”. Really? Also, it gets in my pride because I hate being not under control of my feelings.

You: But Mon, how do you deal with OCD then?

Me: Just think, my little grasshopper

And…if you read all my previous posts, I mentioned that falling under the spell of other’s outer beauty is like a sign of surrender to me. I am like, “Nawt, dowing dyat sh*t!” Hence I learnt about a solution for this online and the advice came from guys who tried to hide their boners :I The solution is to imagine something utterly disgusting when you get such feelings and those guys gave some ridiculous examples and it just cracked me up. I wonder if it will help the next time something like this happens because the usual biting my teeth hard doesn’t actually help much.

In this series, I open my heart more; I will share some of my deepest thoughts. I will put these in the rants categories ๐Ÿ˜ฎ These will be a bit messy as I share my thoughts as they come. This will be my totally imperfect, vulnerable side other than the happy bubbly person you guys see, thatโ€™s also a part of me, but this is the secret (not so secret anymore) part of me. Please donโ€™t judge, these are simply my thoughts expressed openly. If you donโ€™t like them, what are you doing here?

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32 thoughts on “Vulnerability #4

  1. willytyme says:

    Feelings come within everyone petite’, I think you are perfectly normal with your curious nature, blog crushes, expressive nature and your ability to write about it and be fine. A lot of people should thrive to be the kind of normal you are that it might be a better place. Do me a favor and don’t change for no one. If you did, then I would feel alone. ;o)

  2. DoesItEvenMatterWhoIAm? says:

    Food and sex. Two of our most basic human needs. It is 100% NORMAL to have to urge to want to have BOTH fulfilled all the damn time Mon! Take it from a Psychologist who also happens to be an Anthropologist! People are kinda my forte! You are absolutely “normal” in that regard my dear. Also remember, in our world of over 7 BILLION people, who gets to define what NORMAL is? xoxoxo Melanie

    • Mon (is a Girl's Name) says:

      Wow, you know people inside and out then ๐Ÿ˜€ Yeah, I know xD I just went not normal because others seemed to enjoy looking at people without even doing anything with them :I But yeah, there’s 6 billion people here, everyone’s different, but who am I going to listen to then? ๐Ÿ˜„ Thanks for making me understand that xD LOL :*

      • DoesItEvenMatterWhoIAm? says:

        Yeah don’t be so hard on yourself! Plus you are so young! You have so much to learn about yourself and the world yet! Xoxo ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • Mon (is a Girl's Name) says:

        Thanks ๐Ÿ™‚ People here look down on these things ๐Ÿ˜ฎ And Mom gets grossed-out if I talk about anything to do with the male anatomy saying things and I learnt umm…sex-things from class-mates and the dictionary xD Actually, most of us here did I believe :I

      • DoesItEvenMatterWhoIAm? says:

        Oh no! You gotta have someone to talk to about these things with. They are natural and normal and sex is a beautiful part of living. My son is 11 and I have always made a point of having an open line of communication with him about any questions he has about bodies and sex and living and the mind. How else are you going to learn? You can get misinformation from people when you don’t know them well or if they have their own agenda. I suggest you get some books!!

      • Mon (is a Girl's Name) says:

        Yeah :I There’s obviously more things to it than in the dictionary. Thanks, I think if I get out of the house and Mom sees these books she will freak out even though she knows I am quite…not like that but she makes assumptions ๐Ÿ˜ฎ xD

  3. miusho says:

    I don’t think I’ve ever felt that feeling before. Mon. I think we should trade. You’ll be happier, I’ll be happier.

    Also. You start with hamburgers and end with boners? There goes my hunger for hamburgers. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

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