I haven’t seen adult, male genitals. I have internet, but I am not that bad 😛 No way.I only keep such thoughts as just that- thoughts. Like Amy Farrah Fowler from the Big Bang Theory said, “Self-respect and a hymen are better than friends and fun”. Even though I believe that philosophy with all my heart, her interesting word choice cracks me up.
Now for some “What if” sorts of….stuff.
If I were living in the past, way back before the internet, I would’ve become deep crazy. I learnt so much about my problems and their solutions from the internet than from the people around me. I also like reading on the internet.
If I turned into a White guy all of a sudden, I guess I would feel pretty pathetic for thinking that Whites and Men are superior because of my social conditioning but mostly because….I would still be me…..and needing to poop. If I think of someone pooping, I don’t feel inferior to them anymore.
If I were a 100 years old now, I would probably regret all the times I worried. I know I have OCD, but I think I would still blame myself for not trying hard enough to live happier. Or maybe I would be wiser and accept things as they are. Who knows?
If I were living in America right now, like I’ve always dreamed of, I would feel quite limited. Everyone around me would be….exploring? And I would be using the internet my whole life and still not have an idea of what male genitalia looked like. Eh. Nothing like living to my truth
If I were more like Mom, I would always think that everyone had ulterior motives and figure out who’s good/bad just by one look XD
When I have kids, I have to make sure they have a social life, unlike me. I could never allow them to turn into the OCD vegetable I am now. I would feel absolutely guilty if my children had an inch of my problems, I would feel I have failed as a mother. I know people say raising kids is difficult, but from a young age I have always wanted kids. I was once crazy for them XD No, not for siblings, but to raise a little one ❤ But not now though, because I don’t have time for silly fantasies like that without even being married and not having to….go through…baby-making? That was me before. I once wanted to adopt. But now I am more concerned over my lack of desire for studying :3
In this series, I open my heart more; I will share some of my deepest thoughts. I will put these in the rants categories 😮 These will be a bit messy as I share my thoughts as they come. This will be my totally imperfect, vulnerable side other than the happy bubbly person you guys see, that’s also a part of me, but this is the secret (not so secret anymore) part of me. Please don’t judge, these are simply my thoughts expressed openly. If you don’t like them, what are you doing here?