Mom beat me, well, more like pulled the side of my arms where my veins are located and was all, “If you do this, your veins might tear and then you will start crying like, “Wahh! Mom beats me, She pulled my veins” again”. Do you know why this even happened?
I was interviewing Mom and recording it on my phone. She knew it and we joked around with the interviews and I told her I would post it in the blog. That was alright with her. But the mobile wasn’t charged enough and since Dad’s phone had more charging endurance, I said I would bring that one to record our interview.
“No, don’t do it. It’s his official phone. Other people might see it”
“No. I will use bluetooth to send the recording to my phone and then delete the recording from Dad’s phone”
“Don’t do it”
“I WILL delete it. Pss just be glad I am not like most teenagers and sit around doing this stuff,” I said it as I got up and then that happened.
I cried like HELL. Of course, I didn’t show it to Mom, my tears I mean. Then she will be all, “Please forgive me, forgive me,”. I have no interest to make her feel better. So I cried quietly. Apparently crying to her doesn’t help, like the last time. But Mom knew I was sad from my dull face. And, having her ego, she wouldn’t apologize but instead started singing lightly in order to “lighten” the environment.
If it was me long before, I would have thought this was nothing. It was something Mom NEEDED and HAD to do. So I wouldn’t cry, I wouldn’t even take it seriously.
But now I do.
I think crying is strength because it’s my inner self telling me I deserve better. And I wouldn’t know I deserved better if I hadn’t had self-respect…..the little bit I have right now. Although crying in vulnerable situations where your enemy might take advantage of you by seeing your weakness can be bad, Yes, crying is strength, but not in the wrong situation. If I started crying in front of my Mom, hell, I would’ve been lying like, “Yes, yes yes, I forgive you. Why don’t you believe me?” in order to make her stop.
But crying is good. It is release. It makes you grow a little wiser. Makes you focus on what’s important. Connects you with your inner-self with what I truly deserve or not.
But I am an idiot. Like always, like my Mother, I will soon forget this happened. Well…not forget but not take the past seriously anymore. But I am just starting to realize my worth because I cried. I have started crying recently because of what Mom did.
I still feel guilty because I think Mom sacrifices a lot.
But I cried too.