Why am I addicted?

I edited the picture. I don't want the F-word to be bare in it's full glory.

I edited the picture. I don’t want the F-word to be bare in all it’s full glory.

Warning: Unedited mental dump!

Why am I addicted to the Internet?

Because it’s fun.

Why can’t I have fun other way?

Other ways take effort

But it takes effort to type

But not as fun as blogging.

What is it about blogging that’s fun?

It’s creative and it makes you feel like a winner. Each like, view, etc is a sign of victory.

What if no one read my blog, would I still blog?

No you’d go back to writing in your diaries

Isn’t that better?

A little since I can share more private things there.

So why don’t you take a break from blogging?

Because I want to learn viewers and make money and stuff

How are you making money? You don’t even have a domain

I know :I But I want to get paid for doing something I enjoy.

You think you’ll get paid for writing whatever you like?

Uhh…when you say it like that.

Mon, just write once a day. And only once. Use a MS Word document for writing, and post only once a day.

But…..but….How will I get viewers?

If you’re interesting, you’ll get viewers. Right now you need to study.

But studying is HARD and BORING!

What do you think will happen if you keep putting off your studies?

It’ll get harder?

Exactly.

I don’t care.

Why not?

I have nothing to do.

You can draw. Sing. You like singing! Write poetry. Write in your journal. Read?

They are not as fun. Plus, I suck at drawing.

Yes they are. You’ve gone internet-crazy.

They all take so much effort to do!

You lazy couch-potato, what will you accomplish from sitting in front of the computer all day.

I don’t know.

Why do you still hang onto it?

It’s easy to do.

How can you make your job easier.

I know how to make it easier. I can tell myself “Only for 10 seconds, I will do it”. I just don’t have the will to start.

Why not?

I lost motivation

Why did you study before?

I don’t know. It seemed pretty important then. Whenever I find something fun, I get addicted to it.

Is there something missing that you feel like filling up?

Ease. Ease is missing. I feel like it’s just work every single day. I don’t know how to make study fun. I’ve tried many methodes, it still doesn’t work. And I end up not doing anything at all.

But there are people who are having it harder than you.

Guilt will make me procrastinate more. You should know me better than that!

What annoys you about studying.

Thinking. Working. End of fun…..End of life.

What’s wrong with that?

I feel like a robot. I always did. I recently started overcoming these problems and now I feel like a robot. I can’t just force myself to do something I don’t want to. It’s just not possible, there’s just so much inner resistance.

How does studying make you feel?

I feel empty.

How can you feel less like that?

I can make myself busy with doing things I like. Like writing poetry.

Yes, you’re back again.

But I don’t like studying.

And you’re gone.

No, it’s just that. Humph. It reminds me of being forced by my Mother to do things I didn’t like.

But you’re Mother did it for your own good.

Yes, but it felt like I had no power over my life.

You don’t! You can’t even cook/

You’re here to support me!

OK. OK. Look you’re eyes are getting dry like hell. You’re becoming crazy. You’re always on the internet. Mon.

I know. I guess I need to learn to go back to being myself.

How can you do that?

Stop pressuring myself? I don’t know. How do I not pressure myself but still work? Work comes from an internal pressure to get it done.  am so lazy, I might just cry. I am so stupid, I don’t even stop being stupid even when I know I am being so. I have been procrastinating on my studies for months. OK, not months, but every time I do my studies, I do SO little. Like the homework I did.

What is one teeny-weeny step you can take towards relaxed productivity?

Realize that I can never hide from doing things that need to get done.

VERY GOOD. We will meet later.

No. Wise Mon! Wait.

Bye, bye!

Son of a *****

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23 thoughts on “Why am I addicted?

  1. miusho says:

    Best way to get yourself to do something is to not turn on your Internet. Do everything before you latch yourself onto the Internet. The Internet is your reward. 😮

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