In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Childhood Revisited.”
Mom may not remember it but I do; she used to she beat me. She laughs to this day, saying, “Why would you ever think that!?” How can a child forget about their mother beating them? I remember she would lose her anger and then get annoyed often (even today). Today I can stomach the disappointment I once had with my Mom, but maybe because I don’t have to deal with it anymore.
I might’ve been 4 then (I have a great memory, I can recall back to details from a memory from when I was 3), the first memory of Mom beating me. I had used the wrong soap (there was one for washing my hands after dinner and the other for after doing my business in the bathroom), and she pulled up my hair. Gave this face. I remember her looking ugly and like a monster. She was all, “HEY! YOU USED THE WRONG SOAP….” and said some other things I won’t mention.
I didn’t understand at that time why there’d to be a separate soap for anything. I didn’t understand a lot of things and that’s where Mom’s anger took place. I had to be the perfect, knowledgeable child.
I have always kept these memories in my mind along with the lessons I took from them. I guess that’s how my empathy grew. I have always kept in mind that sometimes, people may not just know things. (Although, I have later learnt that a lot of people do bad things from KNOWING too much, if you know what I mean). I have always kept in mind, there are two sides to a story, things are never black and white- from a young age. I promised myself I would not behave this way with my own children.
It feels like too much to hold onto. I sometimes wondered if my Mom was the cause of my OCD tendencies- it may be genetics OR programmed. I believe it can be programmed because….of past experience.
My fears eased as I got bigger. Today I am taller than Mom and I believe I passed the line of “can be beaten ‘cos she’s a child”.
I love my Mom dearly. I just wish she was more patient with me.