In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Singular Sensation.”
If I wanted someone to see me blog, it would be my future husband. I’ve been single all my life; the person I would want to be perusing my blog should be my future husband. The soul mate who had the hots for some Asian who wanted world peace…..and non-premarital..something.
This future husband would see my writing and be all, “Oh! Bad English and I seem to be getting the creepies from this girl; me likey!” Alright, not that but, “Oh! Wants world peace? She can be my partner in social work!”. Then he would be on a Mon-quest from my blog.
Future Husband would sooner than later ask me, “What’s your name? Where do you live?” on my blog and I would be all “I don’t give my private information to pedos on the Internet.” Upon getting my reply, he would respect me even more. He’d think, “Huh! Doesn’t hang aorund pedos much.” And then cross-check his check-list for soul-mate qualities among other qualities.
He would find some way to locate me. According to some people- love makes everything possible. So because of his love for a random internet girl whose gravatar picture is just a bunch of pink flowers, he’s going to use his “love-senses” to travel far and wide. Travelling through scorching, hot desserts and dangerously-windy places…..
Until he gets to my doorstep he will ring the doorbell and I would answer it. Future husband would be all, “Mon, would you marry me? We oughta wed, Girl! :D”. I would think I was living on another dimension; I would think he was some nutty person like the probably-junkie guy I met on the street who said, “I’m gonna to kill your mother-in-law!”. And because I am 18 and no longer a child who believes we can all marry anyone because the world we live in is too good to be true, I would freak out. He would seem cute, but the past 18 years taught me that cute face does not =honest person, yo!
My Dad would come to the dining room and say, “Who’s this?” I would point to Future Husband and say, “He wants to marry me”. Upon hearing this, my Dad, because he is a nice person, wasn’t going to attempt to (insert any verb that “causes horrendous pain”) the boy. Future Husband and Dad would soon start to argue. Our neighbors would hear Dad arguing with the buy. Future Husband would be like, “But…but…she is my soul mate! I knew it from the moment I saw her adorably, flowery gravatar picture”. And my Dad would resist the urge to karate chop him.
All this racket would wake Mom up and she would be all, “Umma trynna sleep!!” and my Dad would be all, “Look at this lunatic here! Disturbing our daughter. Saying he came from the other side of the world. Travelling thorugh scorching hot weather and windy climate or something like that. All done to marry our daughter!”. Mom would be all, “Check signs for alcoholism!” and my Dad would check for it.
“I am not drunk!”
“Oh, so you’re a mentally well-functioning person whose purpose is to disturb our daughter? Get outta here before I kill you!” my Dad would scream.
But future Husband wasn’t willing to leave. So my parents would call the police. During this time the boy would be saying from behind the door which was forcefully closed shut to get him him out of the apartment, hurting his little nose, “Mon! Please! Accept me!” And I would think he was a nut-job and then keep worrying about my security and wellbeing.
All the while, I wouldn’t know that he was a soul-mate. That I have lived on planet earth for too long! 18 years, 11 months, 7 days and 4 hours to be more exact. Long enough to be a mature adult. An adult who knew that the world wasn’t as much of a happy place as the one in my oh-so-happy-and-unicorn–filled imagination. I wouldn’t fight for the boy. I would lose him.
OK, on second thought, maybe making my soul mate see my blog and become mesmerized by my gravatar picture isn’t a good idea.
Image Credit: Robert Lennon