What are you reading?

I’ve finished a decent number of books in the past two months and I am happy with my increased interest in books😀 Here are some books I want to finish, in this order-

  1. Salvage by Martin Rodoreda
  2.  The Destroyer by Michael-Scott Earle
  3. Mayada, daughter of Iraq- Jean Sasson
  4. A Perfect Square by Isobel Blackthorn
  5. Tales from the Gryphon Clerks – Mike Reeves-McMillan
  6. In Black & White by Catherine Lavender

I am somewhere in the middle of Salvage, Mayada and In Black & White, among these three Salvage is the best so far! Anyway, I made the list so I could organize them in the list I should be getting to…..I’ll get to The Destroyer right now! An

What are you reading?🙂

Tuesday Productivity

I forgot my goals xD But I’ll continue with the idealism, even though it’s sorta impossible to be ready for one of my exams by the end of the week…..but we shall see O_O And I HAVE to get back to meditating. I am more antsy now. And I’ve got my BP measured and naturally, it’s pretty low. I am having less carbs now because of my drop in BP levels, so in a way, it is forcing me to eat more healthy (or eat less unhealthy, same thing…right?)

  1. Record 7 hours of meditation on phone
  2. Get ready to give one of my exams by the end of the week
  3. Finish four books

What are your plans this week? How did last week go for you, productivity-wise?

Share Your World 5

Image result for love "infp"

Are you left or right handed?  

Righty from the left-wing (HAHAHAHA! What a funny joke! No.). There was a time I had a cut in my right-hand and had it bandaged and managed to go almost a week with the use of my left hand. I remember how grateful I was for two hands. I got slightly distracted from the question

If you had only one TV, would you prefer the TV in the living room or another room?

We do have only one T.V and it’s in my father’s room. We’ve never had a living-room but I hope to have our own house someday, it’s in my bucket list! Although, the strange thing people don’t know about Bangladeshis is that most middle-class family, like ours, don’t own a house or a car but we have our own maid😮 And our maid doesn’t do much work, she often sleeps around lol

Have you ever participated in a distance walking, swimming, running, or biking event? Tell your story.

Ugh. No. I wish I did. I love sports

Complete this sentence: Love is… .

Image result for she is a paradox

when someone validates your emotion and genuinely listens without giving unsolicited advice. Making sense of me isn’t the point (I hate when people try to psychoanalyses me), but holding space for the other person’s true self is.

Bonus question:  What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up? 

I spoke up to the ‘bully. It’s not like I was afraid of him (he is shorter than me lol), I just didn’t like getting myself into conflicts.  I couldn’t handle his harassing me when it got constant and happened daily, so I said something kind of…….out-of-character of me, even though I couldn’t help smiling at what I myself said after a while. But he stopped, and he laughed. the thing I said was pretty funny. I’d have burst out laughing if someone else said it but I think others respectfully held in their laughter because of the seriousness of my tone while I said it. I told him while lightly laughing that he was laughing at the truth of what I said. He didn’t bother me much anymore. But if he still does, I will be looking for more ‘out-of-character of me’ things to say.

Sometimes when others are saying things about me, I just pretend I don’t hear it. I just don’t like the conflicts so I act like I didn’t hear it. Although if things like this happen very frequently then I do speak up because after a certain period of time, things get pretty old and stale and you don’t want these wet-blankets wrapped around you.

Here is a poem I relate to a lot, I feel all three most of the time. Rarely do I feel one emotion because little things and situations launch different ‘shades’ of feelings for me. Sometimes I wish I could stop them. Right now as I am writing, I feel slightly anxious, happy, hopeful, annoyed, mentally tired and slightly inspired. I feel all these ‘tinges’ of feelings and I am sure I can find more emotions that are alien to most people and don’t even have names. I like calling it ‘sad-happy’-happy. I’ll stop, LOL!

Image result for she is a paradox

Dear me of May

Hey Mon,

You bore me. I recently read a letter of yours you wrote to me two years ago. I hadn’t opened the letter at the time I was supposed to open it, which was before the new year last year. But whatever. I sound harsh, let me speak softer. Egh, speak softer. Am I supposed to start whispering in my head? Am I becoming more and more like this the more I grow up? Well, I am. And as I read the letter you addressed to me, I felt like kind of hugging you, you were cute, just the you from two years ago. I always mentally grow up, but slowly. Which is why I always feel dumber than yesterday. I’ll feel dumber about today tomorrow. Maybe I’ll find this letter cute again as my slow maturity progresses to June.

The main reason I wanted to write this letter is for the same reason I wrote myself a letter two years ago. It was to make myself more productive for the year. And then compare how much I grew and how much of my expectations were……reached. And I felt awful when I read the part where you mentioned hope of losing so much weight. I weigh more than I did before. I felt a little sad when I got to the part where I wrote that grandmother *is* sick. Next month is the anniversary of her death. I need to learn to speak more with people I love. I have to practice it.

I’ve been having problems with low-pressure. And please, if you have a problem that’s been bothering you for months, you HAVE to get it checked. You are stupid with taking care of yourself. You once burnt your leg with boiling hot water and didn’t flinch even though it felt like it was tearing away your flesh. You just stood there and went, “Oh, my leg’s gonna melt” as you stood there. Neither you nor your mother understood why you didn’t scream then because the burnt area was purple for weeks. But even though you don’t pay attention to your physical health or……nothing much about your body really. You have to be aware of how unaware you are in this department

I am older and whinier. And I am not being all, “Ah, be a sweetie!” or “Take care of your health” or “Achieve the dreams, the dreams!” on you. Because reality used to be a very abstract concept to me and the more I grow, the more granular things get, but it doesn’t mean that a little motivation won’t take you far. Sometimes you can’t be a sweetie because it can get you hurt (despite my idealism). Sometimes you have to fight people to keep your sanity. And Sometimes you can’t just keep the motivation. And am learning to accept that perhaps this awful feeling I have in my body, whether it is depression or OCD or whatever, I’ve accepted that maybe this will stay with me. And that the ‘granular’-ness of life will keep glaring down at my foolishness (if it can glare) if I don’t at least acknowledge it.

Basically that’s pretty much it. By next June, I just want you to be more loving with your parents. Don’t do that thing with your hand that Mom hates (you know what). Take more walks with your father because this is the best way to talk with him, where you don’t have direct eye-to-eye contact. Get your blood-pressure issue fixed.

Accept the possibly inevitable issue with your mental health and lack of self-confidence. You might never be 90% okay and you’ll regret the things you didn’t do when you still might stay the same way.

You have to talk with people more WHILE you’re not self-confident. It’s clear you aren’t like them. But you need to stop being so much in your comfort zone. At home you think you will conquer the world. When you’re outside, you want to go back home. And it’s going to stay this way till you’re not getting hold of the more ‘granular’ pieces of life, the pieces that often only come from experience. You won’t find the puzzle pieces from inside your head, as comfortable as that would be. You have to adapt with the world.

By next June, I won’t have big expectations from you in terms of mental-health. I’ll expect little progress especially since you’ll have to study harder then ever before. But I hope you improved your relationship with your parents and are okay with how not-okay you feel. Bye

Share Your World 4

If life was ‘just a bowl of cherries’… which fruit other than a cherry would you be..?

A strawberry. It looks pretty, shiny and intricate


Credit: Macro Portrait Photography for Strawberry Fields Smoothies and Gelato on Colley Ave in Norfolk, VA

Have you done something you truly want to do today?

Yes, I finished two book from where I left them off  ( ಠ益ಠ)

What can you help the world with?

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. This is too big. If I were to start small, it would be loving myself. Because I automatically become more loving and patient when I am happy with myself. Oh look, I answered it.

Quotes List: At least three of your favorite quotes?

“Quiet People Have The Loudest Minds” Stephen Hawking

“The sooner you step out of your comfort zone, the sooner you realize that it wasn’t comfortable at all.” -Unknown

“In the end, only kindness matters”

Wanting something to quench your thirst, what would you drink?

Besides water, I’d drink coconut water. Cold coconut water is so tasty and energizing! I wish I had my own coconut tree.

What made you feel good this past week?

Starting today morning by reading a book instead of jumping to my computer

When you’re alone at home, do you wear shoes, socks, slippers, or go barefoot?

Barefoot, even though Mom tries to get me to wear slippers. No! My feet shall tread freely.

Would you rather live where it is always hot or always cold?

I guess where it is always hot because I get colds easily and I hate freezing cold water.

Week 9 (I think) and 12 of Share you World by Cee


Share Your World 3

Image result for how I appear in email vs on phone meme

I got you, Cruz

Do you like talking to people on the phone? Or do you prefer voice mail or email?

No! I dread talking on the phone. I prefer email- it makes me appear more thinking and more collected

Do you recharge your energy by going out with friends for a good time or by spending with quiet time alone?

Quiet time. I have to recharge from just coming home from the outside world. I sometimes take a shower too if I feel like I’ve had too much ‘external stimulation’- with all the noises, talking, sounds, etc of the world outside my house.

What is the most number of blankets you’ve ever had on your bed?


You are invited to a party that will be attended by many fascinating people you never met. Would you attend this party if you were to go by yourself?

Yes. I’d be embarrassed but I’d expect one of the very extroverted ‘fascinating’ person will keep the others company while I observe them, and try to ask them a question from time to time😮

In what do you find the simplest of joys?

Listening to music I used to listen to 5 years ago. The nostalgic feeling makes me feel safe and centered in the moment as peaceful recollection……occurs? As I peacefully recollect.

Jello or Pudding? And what is your favorite flavor?

Never had Jello. But I did have pudding……and pudding has flavors? I only had a ‘regular’ pudding. Or do I have to explain what regular pudding is like?

Is there a language you would like to learn?

Japanese/Korean. These languages flow out so smoothly and elegantly. But If I were like my conspiracy-theorist Uncle, I’d learn Chinese/Russian .


Image result for putin chinese

Itar-Tass/Zuma Press

Do you prefer juice or fruit?

Juice. It’s sad but I am not a very big fan of *eating* fruits. If it’s fruit I like, I prefer juice to get it over with instead of chewing for it ha

If you had a shelf for your three most special possessions (not including photos, electronic devices and things stored on them, people or animals), what would you put on it?

This really got me thinking. Okay if we’re not considering the basics or money but rather things we hold close to us- then I’d choose my diary from 6 years ago (which I lost),  my grandmother’s cup and a rock from my grandmother’s previous house. All the nostalgic things

If you had a box labelled ‘happiness’, what would you put in it?

Baby animals. Favorite Books. Tyler Oakley. Miley Cyrus albums and much more!

What do you want more of in your life?

Motivation to work hard

Daily Life List: What do you do on an average day? Make a list of your usual activities you do each day.

  1. Use internet first thing in the morning, it’s an awful habit!
  2. Eat while watching youtube videos 3 times a day -_-
  3. Read books
  4. Study a wee bit
  5. Go to class if I have class
  6. Mostly use internet

No wonder I want to use the computer so much. I really need a hobby.

This was Week 2, 3 and 4 of Cee’s Share Sour World,

Tuesday Productivity

I did nothing! ‘Cept share some funny tweets…..And I need saline!

I know, it was the simplest of tasks. Write my todo list everyday. I didn’t do it. Maybe it’s the simplest things in life that are the hardest to do (lol). I think I do best when the tasks are pretty idealistic. Like reading 7 books a week, and I read 6 I think. My tasks for this week

  1. Be ready to give my A’Levels by the end of the week (Oh boy, idealism shall end here)
  2. Meditate for 7 hours
  3. Exercise for 5 minutes anytime before showering. Remember that if you put off exercising for too long, it seems like a long, dreaded task, which it isn’t.


What are your plans for this week? How did last week go for you, productivity-wise?