Wisdom of Inner and Outer Worlds

I am afraid of trying new things though because I feel like I will lose my identity and lose the things I have. But to me, living means growing from new choices you make. Even though new choices and new perspectives feel like you’re jumping into a dark hole, often, you are glad that you did if you made that choice. Because you bring a light with yourself, and even if the light in you delays in coming out, it comes out nevertheless, and you see the new situation in a real perspective. Even though it can hurt to bring that light out because you don’t want to see the reality of the current circumstances, one point when it becomes inevitable that wherever you go- there you are- you’re more likely to adapt, and that’s what you need the light for. By light, I mean adjusting to the reality (there’s giving up on actions you can take and then there’s being stubborn about the inevitable/obvious)

Wisdom, which comes with the difficulty of adjusting, is needed for both the inner reality and the outer reality. Do you know enough of your weaknesses and how to be aware of it in times of uncertainty? I think wisdom is accepting the truth of the inner and outer reality. It can be hard to take a good look at yourself because that is also like jumping into the deep, dark hole of self-awareness, it can hurt your ego to know how much is broken inside and how stubborn the broken pieces work in you. But even though new inner and outer choices initially causes great resistance and pain, often, you are glad that you did it because you realize how much energy you put into resisting in moving towards the next step- that the comfort-zone wasn’t exactly comfortable. Expending energy on not doing anything about your inner self and your outer reality makes life simply something for ‘existing’ and not ‘living’.

We have needs to survive, get love AND ACHIEVE. Even if it’s unlike you to not do much about your goals, you’ll always feel the energy you’re unconsciously wasting to NOT accept the inevitable and WORK with what you have, towards what you want. Covering the powerful, hot ‘light’ inside you for so long will burn you. Moving with uncertainty is in your nature, and it’s painful either way if you resist it or work with it. You might as well choose the pain that brings more happiness than a hole in your chest. The pain of uncertainty is always guaranteed. Graceful acceptance of uncertainty requires that you have more exposure to uncertainty- which means you have to get out there.

‘Thinking into’ wisdom is foolish; wisdom comes from the integration of new things in and outside of yourself- not from the ease of ancient thoughts.

Okay so it’s been a while since I’ve ACTUALLY written at the blog 😀 I felt the inspiration to write again and I’ve been thinking about what ‘wisdom’ is for the last couple of days. This was more of a brain dump, I was trying to understand what wisdom itself is so I wrote all this out to process my thoughts.

Angry Book Review of ‘100 Ways to Motivate Yourself’

Letter ‘O’ so….it still counts if the title is a numerical number instead of written as ‘one hundred’? I’ll count it as so >:D

100 Ways to Motivate Yourself by Steve Chandler


My Rating: 3/5

I made the mistake of listening to this audio without taking any notes for the couple good nuggets here and there. MOST of this book is just platitudes and platitudes. But there are bits where the author gives some almost-specific instruction, for example instead of making yourself the victim of everything, tell yourself, “I am the problem’ because when you see yourself as the problem, you also see yourself as the solution- I thought this piece was a gem! And there were some bits of gems sprinkled here and there all of which made it up for 3/5 stars

There is ONE pretty shitty part in the book. The author throws shade at democracy subtly “Marxist, economic superstition that to make money, you have to take it away from someone else….people who think they don’t have enough (money)”. No, I am not equating marxism with democracy, but helping the little guys shouldn’t be a bad thing. If I was a poor person as I went along life watching the rich get richer and then hearing this guy say, “Quit thinking there isn’t enough, such Marxist superstition that someone has to **lose money**”-

Shit my Mom says #2

(At night in the dark) “At first I didn’t know Mila and her mom were walking by. Then I heard their tinkly little voices talking to each other. You know how they sound?”.

“As a kid, you were pretty calm in familiar environments like being at your Grandma’s. But when we visited a new house, you’d crane your neck around abruptly like birds do, observing everything.”

Book Review: Narrative of my Captivity

Narrative of my Captivity by Fanny Kelly



It was obvious that this person wasn’t a writer but her writing did flow in a way(perhaps because the sentences were very simple?). The problem with such simple writing is that, instead of describing what ‘torture’ or ‘violently attacked me” were (except only once where she mentioned an Indian burning her hand by pressing a hot-object on her hand when she threw something of theirs’ in anger), it becomes difficult to relate to her.

And instead of clearly telling us what ‘mutilated’ meant every time she mentioned the word, it was a hazy image in my mind. But after reading Geronimo’s tale, I realized that it was how Indians cut the skin of the scalp of dead warriors after they win a battle (as a prize, I am guessing?). Geronimo mentions that the ones who mutilate dead bodies that aren’t from a battle they won are another sector of small Indians who weren’t part of the Apache group. But non-fiction books with simple, flowy writing like this keeps your interest.

And comparing this to Geronimo’s Story of his Life. I found some that she indeed hasn’t mentioned anything about being sexually harassed, which Geronimo said the Indians don’t do unlike what was done to their captured women. I think it is best to read books like this in contrast to another book from another different perspective.

It seemed hypocritical when she called Indians the people who took over without any intention of sharing the land, when, that sounds oddly familiar to what happened to the Indians. She has also called her people the ‘superior’, ‘civilized’ “EMIGRANTS” while uneducated, uncultured Indians are these savages who, as it is sounding like, are taking over her land. The only person I rooted for in this book was Fanny’s daughter

More talk (Audio)


Today is the last day of February* and I had an apple. Feeling so gassy, it’s not good- obiouvsly. So (sigh) productivity-wise I just rate myself 1.5/10 because every freakin’ day I think I am going to be positive and productive and then I am none of those (the following day).I still try, but TRY doesn’t necessarily mean I do anything. I LITERALLY TRY (lol) to get my butt off. I’ve been exercising and I am a lot more flexible. Back when I wasn’t overweight (like now, 20 kgs ago), I was a lot seriously about exercising. I’d

Back when I wasn’t overweight like now (25 kgs ago), I was a lot serious about exercising. I’d literally wake up early morning, have some milk and exercise. I had milk before exercising because I wanted to get muscles. I don’t want to be ripped like those (heavy-weight lifting) muscular guys, I just wanted to be more sculpted.  ‘Sculpted’ is out of the window now, I have to be ‘average’ now

You can’t see me (I mean, you can’t right? :O lol) but every time I make a point I just raise my hand. I just did it now when I said ‘I make a point’. Oh my God…. Okay…. I am so silly. So….I think I’ll keep this update short, who the heck would want to be listening to stuff like this?

(I went to the topic of books)

I’ve recently been reading Sherlock Holmes. I frekin’ bought a whole volume (of Sherlock Holmes). There are two volumes of Sherlock Holmes books, I think volume i has 6 of the first series of the books and vol.ii has the other six. I remember reading from the middle of the book and loving ONE single line of the book that captivated me to buy six books. Right now I am reading the book and I am bored…..well, not that bored, I’d rate it a 3/5 for me- so it’s not like I have to drag myself to finish it. I still want to finish the book (despite it boring me at times). I haven’t been reading many physical books. Most of the books I have are E-bukes……I mean E-books.

(Low self-esteem strikes just in time) Oh man, I talk like I am all ‘that’ but I am not. Do I sound like I am ‘all that’? I don’t….know. Okay, nevermind. Bye.

*WHY DO I KEEP MAKING THESE MISTAKES!? I meant ‘last day of JANUARY’! this year D:

Book Review: A Monster Calls

 A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness


My Rating: 5/5!

I cried. I stopped…….oh I cried again.

I believe the monster was a figment of the boy’s imagination. I think this is a psychological thriller where ‘A monster’ was a part of him he was unconsciously repressing for the guilt of wanting the pain of her mother’s impending death to be over with. In the end you see that the monster says if he doesn’t accept this part of himself, he will be ‘stuck’ there forever- if I dissected that, it meant that unrepresented emotions will always come to haunt you. Whatever emotions you resist, persists. Until you are honest with yourself, this darkness will cripple you

Even though the language was too simple, the psychological plot and the awesome suspense made up for it-I was awake till 2AM until I finished this book. I respected the author with the way he has shown the reality of the boy’s trouble in very raw forms, not trying to fluff things around.